Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

Disclaimer: This isn't an advice website. Yet from time to time we receive email asking for the Heartlessly Bitchy point of view. If you need serious medication, therapy or professional help, seek elsewhere. However, if you still insist on soliciting OUR advice, just remember...


All submissions become the property of HBI and by sending email to Auntie Dote you thereby give your permission for letters and responses (sans identifying information) to be published on the website. No emails will be answered individually.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...

March 7, 2005

Dear Heartless Bitches

I just want some insight from you on this topic and because I admire how you guys can see pass things at a very wise angle. And I was hoping if i ever have any question on such I could come to you and ask for opinions. Okie so here's my question.

They say it is important to give age appropriate explanations, so I feel I should ask: What grade are you in? "Okie"?

Men that feel if they express tender emotions they are being less of a man, so you find lots of men that are good at supressing their emotion and rearely do they ever let it surface, but

HOLD the fuck up. We are having conjunction dysfunction here. However, I am willing to look "pass" all that to find the junction of meaning and intent. I just hope it is not a RR X-ing with flashing lights and a short bus trying to beat the barricades.

for women they can easily cry and spill their guts out, yet I have a question for you ladies.

My kingdom for a comma. Ladies is bad enough but "you ladies" is downright suspicious. Although I've lived long enough to know you don't have to be a man to write a gender-stereotyping letter to the heartlessly bitchy editor.

Women tend to be more in touch with and have a better understanding of their emotional condition, so why is it they have so little control over them? relatively speaking.

Funny you should ask about "control." Your skills in written self-expression could use a little. This reads like cream of alphabet soup.

That's a warm, cozy, familiar stereotype about us chicks, isn't it? So in touch with their emotions--yet, if only their moon cycles didn't make them slaves to hormones and chocolate once a month. (Insert Sandra Boynton cartoon here, or just kill me now.)

Since you've defined men as Immodium AD (is emotional constipation the same as being in control, really?) and women as the pink version of Ex-Lax, it's not surprising that men appear to be the exact inverse of women, "relatively speaking."

I've known women who have not a clue as to what it means to be in touch with their bodies, their moods or their menstrual cycles. I've known men who are more delicate than the lingerie rinse cycle, not to mention, men with not a clue as to how to control or constructively channel overpowering emotions. I've also known women with exquisite self-control, as well as diplomatic skills that would put Madeleine Albright and Condi Rice to shame. So these qualities are not inversely proportional, nor are they inexorably tied to gender, even if socialization may tend to promote the idea that they are, or reward men and women unequally for tuning in to their own or other people's emotions.

Being a Heartless Bitch is all about being IN CONTROL. It's right there on the front page, so I can only assume that's why you are writing to US. Hopefully that means you knew what our answer would be all along. Did you really expect us to tar women with a paint roller? Control and self-expression can both be learned, so if someone in particular is bugging you because they don't have one or the other, get specific, and check your blue and pink baggage at the door.


Copyright© "Auntie Dote" & Heartless Bitches International ( 2000
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