Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

Disclaimer: This isn't an advice website. Yet from time to time we receive email asking for the Heartlessly Bitchy point of view. If you need serious medication, therapy or professional help, seek elsewhere. However, if you still insist on soliciting OUR advice, just remember...


All submissions become the property of HBI and by sending email to Auntie Dote you thereby give your permission for letters and responses (sans identifying information) to be published on the website. No emails will be answered individually.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...

May 9, 2005

[Dear Auntie Dote]

On Friday, March 18, 2005, at 03:48 PM, Matt wrote:

After perusing the HB site, I realized that I'm only attracted to Heartless Bitches, or at least those with tendencies toward bitchery. Sweet, brainless girls piss me off (and bore me, and aren't attractive).

My problem is thus: I'm an intelligent, athletic, successful, overconfident and highly attractive mid-twenties guy who never has dates. Unlike most of the guys who bitch at you, I am attractive to women and know it. Some have said that I'm "SUCH a nice guy", but their eyes say it's of the "nice guy I wanna fuck" variety as opposed to the wussy type.

I do think I know what the problem is - I never ask women out. I think I missed whatever gene it is that grants guys the desire to spread their seed indiscriminately. Don't mistake me, I love women (especially bitches, including my dear mommy), but I think I resent that I have to be the one to initiate everything when what I'm looking for is an equal partner. Unfortunately, that seems to be the way the world works.

So my question is, for the rare occasions that I do meet someone who I'm attracted to on more than a physical level: what do bitches expect? Do you LIKE being hit on, or hate it? I can't tell. It seems that all women expect guys to exhibit a certain amount of horniness as a sign of interest, which isn't something I naturally do (damned sexually repressive Catholic upbringing).

I ask you because you'll give it to me straight. Empathy is for the weak. Thanks.

Dear Matt,

Well, at least you're an honest "overconfident and highly attractive" guy. Are you hitting on us?

If you are, I didn't feel a thing. Maybe that's the problem. Nope, left me totally cold.

We can really relate to your gripes about having to do all the work in relationships, and your desire for an equal partner rather than a princess. What we can't "get with" so to speak, is your description of asking attractive women out as "the desire to spread seed indiscriminately." A Heartless Bitch, or Heartless Hound, is nothing if not discriminating. (And I don't recommend spreading seed if you're just dating, it's a health risk.) I think you might need to come off or your marble pedestal, Adonis, and warm up a little to the fun, social side of dating. It doesn't HAVE to be a meat market mentality. Empathy doesn't have to make you weak, it is actually a valuable tool that can make you smarter than other people. It's a way to know more about the world, and something that would make you, I would think, very attractive to a Heartless Bitch. And there's nothing with having, and exhibiting, a sex drive, as long as it doesn't make you act foolish. Women like men who are comfortable in their sexuality. We don't want eunuchs, mind you! Yet, why do I get the feeling you have some sort of celibacy issue? Am I reading too much in to the Catholic upbringing remark?

I'm also a little worried, for all the praise of heartless women, that you have a little misogynistic streak. Your whole preoccupation with what kind of women you find attractive is, um, creepy. You claim to get the "fuck me" gaze, yet I sense that you look down on these women as too available. I have to wonder why you think you're catnip for chicks, yet so few of "us" seem to be good enough for you. Interesting. Not attractive, but interesting.

Good luck,

Copyright© "Auntie Dote" & Heartless Bitches International ( 2000
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