Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

Disclaimer: This isn't an advice website. Yet from time to time we receive email asking for the Heartlessly Bitchy point of view. If you need serious medication, therapy or professional help, seek elsewhere. However, if you still insist on soliciting OUR advice, just remember...


All submissions become the property of HBI and by sending email to Auntie Dote you thereby give your permission for letters and responses (sans identifying information) to be published on the website. No emails will be answered individually.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...

Aug 23, 2005

Dear Auntie Dote,

GREAT website...I found you guys while researching Emotional and Psychological Abuse. Your site helped me confirm what I already knew, which is that I'm in love with a Controlling and Maniuplative Abuser. His abuse is predominantly Psychological and Emotional, and only a few times did it escalate to physical. Needless to say I've been very disappointed in finding resources on the web on something....and that is REVENGE & RETRIBUTION. To make the sick fuck pay. Is there a way to play this guy's mind games back at him? It seems that no matter what I do, he blames me for it all....I'll settle for just making him loose his reputation in the community, with his kids/friends/family, to have him CRYING for what he has done. I know this goes along the lines of being just as bad as he is.....but WTF, Hell Hath No eye for an eye, and it's payback time........thanks again for a great site, and I hope you can help.

(I'll call myself) SPITEFUL!

Listen, Spiteful...You already KNOW what you need to know. You can't outfox a fox unless you are ready to raid some henhouses. You don't need to outfox your manipulator, you just need to stop being such a chicken and change your own life.

The verse, "Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd / nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd," was written in the 17th century (by a man). Be a modern woman. GET OVER IT. You should be having too much fun, making too much money, meeting too many people and learning too many new things to even remember his name, let alone care about his reputation. Nothing will impress YOUR friends and family more than this simple one word reply, when they ask you the latest on so-and-so: "Who?" Try it with a sly grin and a confidently change the subject--to whatever it is YOU have been doing. Excising fools from your life IS the best revenge.

An eye for an eye...well, that verse goes back even further. If it's Old Testament justice you seek, remember this one from the New Testament instead: "Revenge is mine...saith the Lord," (Romans 12:19). If you're asking for our seal of approval to behave like a vengeful child and thus (ironically) remain caught up in a sick cycle of interaction, then you have our official raspberry.


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