Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

Disclaimer: This isn't an advice website. Yet from time to time we receive email asking for the Heartlessly Bitchy point of view. If you need serious medication, therapy or professional help, seek elsewhere. However, if you still insist on soliciting OUR advice, just remember...


All submissions become the property of HBI and by sending email to Auntie Dote you thereby give your permission for letters and responses (sans identifying information) to be published on the website. No emails will be answered individually.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...

Jun 27, 2005

(This came in the form of a rant, but we felt it needed the Auntie Dote treatment.)

[Dear Auntie Dote]

The problem is...well out all the guys I have dated of course they were asshole....Asshole to the point of abuse and drug addiction....which included manipulation, lieing and all the goods. The father of my child was the last straw, his name was "Moody" what the hell did I expect right? Well after a careful anylization of my past encounters with the oposite sex I began to realize all the men that seemed to be "Nice Guys", well it was trial and error.....the error being on there part. I seemed to almost take off head first into the research to figure out how to dehumanize them or simply just, in my standards, make them incompetent in my eyes. Sigh. So after years of always going for the "Brick with a fucked off Mommy complex" instead of the "You know I really kina like you for who you are" type of guy, I am at a lose of my actions and feelings at this point. I'm exhausted. To make things worse....(this is my soap opera) I dated a guy for about three months...were both single parents, both artist striving to be something more.....and it was great we both loved eachother and we had fun with our kids and we just did out own thing and and and.......I blew it. Although I was going to move in with him and that was a little too fast (it was all my idea, of course and I'm the one who dodged it......WTF?) So after balling while our children were in the car and relaying to him that I would not be able to move in with him......I took him home and didn't talk to him for about five months. I dodged his calls....did everything I could to avoid him. I have talked to him periodically and we've joshed and I've siad my "I'm Sorries" and now were cool.....and now I love him and now..............WTF?

Dear WTF?

Aside from the fact that your "rant" is barely comprehensible, it's glaringly obvious that you KNOW that in large part YOU are the problem, but you aren't willing to do the work to fix it. To me, this submission submission isn't a "rant" (as you titled it in the subject), it's a confession. And we ain't the fucking Catholic church, so there's no absolution coming from THIS direction.

Knowing what the problem is, isn't 1/2 of the way to fixing it, it's 1/10th in my opinion. It's trendy to admit your foibles today. It's cool to wear your neuroses on your sleeve. It's socially acceptable to beat yourself up in public while using your horrible childhood (or anything else handy) as an excuse -- Hence the overwhelming preponderance of OnWhine Journals. It's way fucking harder, and not as attention-grabbing, to STOP being a fuck-up and get your shit together, without any fanfare, which is EXACTLY what you need to do.

It's your life. Figure out the business end from the horse's ass and get to work instead of whining about your penchant for CHOOSING to make the same mistakes over and over again.

Make art. Raise children. Make love. Make mistakes (just make different ones). Make up. Make progress. Stop sabotaging. Stop making excuses.

-Auntie Dote

Copyright© "Auntie Dote" & Heartless Bitches International ( 2000
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