Subject: AUNTIEDOTE: How do I cut off relationships?
Dear Auntie Dote,
I admit that I am nowhere near being a Heartless Bitch. I've dragged
myself like a doormat through various interpersonal relationships (har
har har), got myself an anxiety disorder and depression and was put on
pills, failed a bunch of subjects at university, so I'm looking at
another two years to complete my degree. Oh how I hate my combined law
degree and the bourgeoisie latte-sippers clacking on their laptops
while sprouting elitist bullshit, and I dread going into a profession
where I am forced to treat them as my colleagues or superiors, but
that's a different story.
I've tried to fix up what I was doing wrong. I went to counselling,
eventually got myself off the dopey pills, picked a cat up from a
shelter, managed to pass all my subjects last semester, basically
reached back up to what normal, average people manage to do. However,
I couldn't cut off the poisonous relationships, and now I am looking
at the prospect of going back to square one, or even worse - activate
the university's 3 subject failure rule and get kicked out.
My father is an abusive, alcoholic parasite.
My mother is a
hardworking but completely airheaded bint whose idea of success in
life is becoming a trophy wife (let's just say that she was tricked
into marrying my father).
They believe that since they have invested
oh so much in their bright daughter, she had better work herself to
the bone to pay off their mortgage,
then when that's done, sell her
off to some other family to improve business and social connections
Heck, they've even got the age worked out (26). Neither of
them have heard of birth control, considering that I have two younger
brothers, one's in the final year of high school this year, and the
other's just starting grade 2.
I live in the family house.
My father refuses to work a single day or
give his dole money to help out the household accounts, my mother
lives in her normative world and pulls out the "I was abused enough by
your father, how dare you abuse me too" card whenever I argue with her
about her stupid ideals and fiscal management, the older of the two
boys believes that he could somehow make do with a processing line job
until he inherits the house (eldest son, you see) and the younger is
diagnosed with ADHD.
This is Sydney, Australia. Interest rates, food and petrol prices have
been rocketing ever since I started bleeding from my crotch.
I work 5
shifts a week on top of uni to pay for my own stuff, as well as
contribute to the mortgage and cover my parents' irresponsible
I do not even have a drivers' licence because my parents
refused to help out with the required hours of assisted driving,
forcing me to pay for driving lessons to fill the hours up.
Just from the beginning of this year, my parents now owe me $5000
aside from all the other money they've taken on the side.
family (barring the ADHD bro) is pressuring me to work 7 days. If they
ever see me at home, they complain about how much fatter (and
therefore uglier) I got,
and how laziness should be combatted with a
brisk job in designer sportswear at 6 in the morning, then slinking
into a pencil skirt and shiny heels before going to work. Mind you,
they're not going to pay for any of these props, because the lack of
them just shows how much I am wasting my life.
They are my family, I only ever get one of them.
If I quit on them
now, I ruin one ungrateful asshole and one relatively grateful brat's
I also would be ruining my life, since the current economy has
made absolutely sure I would not survive a day on my own.
deeply ironic that pooling the entirety of my resources to keep 5
people live a comfortable existence is easier than letting one person
live frugally, this is also the reality.
I need to stop enabling my parents to live irresponsibly, as well as
building myself a nest egg to secure total independence in the future.
However, I can't say no to myself when my mum barges in the night
before mortgage repayment day and demands $1000, or waits in front of
the bank to get $50 to pay for the ADHD bro's headshrinking fees.
I know they are exploiting me, I know they suspect (rightly) that I try
to scrimp and save some money aside. I'm just afraid that if I say no,
then they really would default on the payments.
What should I do? Or rather, what can I tell myself to convince myself
that I am a Heartless Bitch, and steel myself for a power cut from not
paying the electricity bill?
Thank you for reading through my long letter.