January 16, 2003
I'm just writing to say that I read your Oct. 3 answer to D.K. Jack's question about "conscious" women, and for one of the only times I disagree with you. I think you've focused on the wrong issue. The issue is not male versus female sexual roles, as you have painted it, but rather moral values as they apply to ALL persons. Mr. Jack, although he may be uncomfortable
talking about sexuality, is reacting from the moral position that having sex with a married person is unethical, because he feels that cheating is wrong and being a knowing accomplice to it is also wrong. This woman clearly does not feel that way, and feels, as you do, that there is nothing wrong with sleeping with a married person - the cheating is being done by her
partner and is therefore his problem. These are both valid moral positions, and the fact that they disagree on this point suggests a fundamental incompatibility. Considering how obviously strongly Mr. Jack feels about this issue, I don't think it would be a good idea for the two to get back together.
It is curious to note that, like on so many moral issues, the two sides do not understand where the other is coming from, or are not even conscious that the other view exists. This is the "consciousness" to which Mr. Jack refers - he expresses incredulity not at hearing a woman express her sexuality (as you have wrongly assessed), but at the fact that she does not
share his view on this particular moral issue (she is not "conscious" of it). Mr. Jack is, ironically, equally unconscious of the woman's moral stance.
You identified with the woman and, apparently unaware of Mr. Jack's moral position, could not see what he was complaining about, and extrapolated that he must have a problem hearing women talk about sex.