November 24, 2002
Dear Fuckin' Bon,
Thanks for Heartless Bitches! I identify THOROUGHLY though very much too late!!
Having had about zero experience with real liars, manipulators, and controllers...
Having never heard about Borderline Personality Disorders, not really...
I married up to one of these Romeo-Don Juan CAD men in my mid-twenties. We had
two kids. And eventually, to dispose of me, he turned me in to a psychiatrist's
care -- GET THIS -- and told that doctor a completely made-up "history" of
chronic schizophrenia. I was full of mind-numbing brain drugs before I got to
speak with my doctor!!! Needless to say....
Before I was released from institutional care (three years of it!) he divorced
me and got custody of our children. He claimed "mental cruelty" (ME against HIM,
unh-huh) for grounds, explaining that I had directed my hypersexuality at his
colleagues -- which jeopardized his work career (he'd "held" seven (7) different
work positions in 5 states during 'our' 10 years!!!!!)
I'm pretty much over it, as far as RANTING on my own, for my own sake.
BUT my children, my dear dear, strong, bright, graceful children had to suffer
his paternal custody from the ages of 6 and 10. OUCH!! On top of being allowed
to believe their Mom was hopelessly mentally ill, and on top of the adverse
quality of the CAD's 'fathering style,' they were subjected to even more place
changes, with different apartments & schools in yet another state -- at a 1000
miles from their Mom.
Whether or not children enjoy stability of parenting, IT STILL TAKES A VILLAGE
TO RAISE A CHILD. My children's father denied them the village too!! I kept
contact, as best I could. After working and scrimping for 3 years, I could
afford to move those 1000 miles to live closer during their junior high and high
This move was a mixed blessing, as it involved having to see and interact with
and get taken advantage of by The Ex more than anyone would like. Not sex, but
everything else, of course blaming me for undermining his control over the
teenagers AND his girlfriends!!
He never did anything for them but pay the rent & food, sign report cards. I
went to the teacher conferences, took them for clothes on my money - hahaha what
money?? If they had an outing not with me, it was because one of his girlfriends
made a plan for acting like a family. He insisted on free local jr college
instead of going away for college.
This 'father' was a college teacher with a PhD; both kiddos in gifted track in
HS with wonderful grades in AP classes. They might have picked any college
anywhere and got scholarships BUT when I bought a Petersons Guide and handbooks
for getting college money help, TheCAD literally threw the book(s) at me
screaming at the top of his lungs that those kids' education was none of my
business!! (I was at the time a PT college instructor myself with 2 Master's --
disqualified for good paying position by my psychiatric background!).
The upshot of all this, is that This Heartless Bitch STILL lives without. It was
so heartwarming to read your analysis and rants - after Fw to one of my sisters
even she kinda gets it - OH WE DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ABUSED she said.
Is there a good way to share with the KIDDOS - now 28 and 32 years old, and set
in their minds with the made-up Tales of their Dad's invention??