HBI Frequently Asked Questions
- I want to participate in the forum. How do I gain access?
HBI's forum (The BitchBoard) is a members-only discussion forum. To gain access you have to complete the membership application and then see if you get accepted. Not everyone does. You have to demonstrate that you have at least two clues to rub together. The worst applications sometimes get riffed in "The Weak of the Week".
- What's with the "membership application" thing? Why the hell should I have to prove to YOU that I am a Heartless Bitch?
It's simple - look at any open forum and the mindless crap and drivel posted there. We do our best to keep our forum troll-free.
Our membership application is a screening process. By completing the membership application you are telling us:
If you make it past the screening process (which actually has a very reasonable set of expectations when it comes right down to it), you may have a hope of surviving on the HBI forums.
If it's all just too much work to apply for membership, well that's fine, go somewhere else. There are plenty of other forums for the lazy, self-absorbed, and entitlement-encumbered.
- Whether or not you actually READ the site and get it.
- If you are capable of expressing yourself coherently in writing - if not the forum members would eat you alive.
- That you believe in having standards, and respect when other people have them too.
- I saw my application up in the "members" section but I never got an email. What's up with that?"
Your ISP or your mail client may have blocked/spam filtered the incoming email. Go to www.heartless-bitches.com/bitchboard/lost_password.shtml, and select the checkbox for "Please re-send the Welcome email".
Be sure to WHITELIST firstname.lastname@example.org BEFORE you press submit.
- I got rejected for membership. Can I reapply?
Yes, you can reapply. But if you send several variants on the same day, or in the same week, it will likely count against you.
Send ONE application, wait for the new member postings, and see if you made it. If you didn't, then reapply.
- Shit - I made Weak of the Week - am I barred from ever being a member?
Surprisingly, there HAVE been WOTW recipients who have reapplied and actually been granted membership.
All it takes is a sense of humor, and some honesty. [One WOTW recipient even made the Exemplary Bitches list the next time around.]
- Can Guys apply for membership?
Absolutely. Our membership is diverse. We don't discriminate against stupidity on the basis of gender. But if you think getting membership to HBI will somehow provide you with a dating service, think again.
- Why does it take so long for you guys to do an update?
Because the site is run by volunteers, with real jobs and real lives, and we update when we find time.
We do it for fun, not profit, and as such it takes a back seat to other entertainment and life realities.
Deal with it, (or better yet, volunteer)!
- Who is Nataliep? Does she really exist?
NatalieP, also known as "The Most Exalted High
Bitch Queen Supreme," (Okay, she's not known as that at all) is the
mastermind (and sole financier) behind it all. Yes, she really does
exist, and she isn't a hairy, ugly, sexless lesbian, despite what the
male detractors of HBI would love to believe. However, she DOES like to
dress up in costume and play with body paint for hallowe'en, and has won
the "Judge's Favorite" and "Most Alluring" prizes at the shindigs she
attends... But seriously, as you can read in her Bitchitorial columns,
she is a real life software specialist/single mom/Uber Heartless Bitch,
who works hard, plays hard, who doesn't suffer fools lightly, believes
accountability isn't nearly as widespread as it should be, and thinks
feminism doesn't need "defending" but can give you an articulate earful
about workplace equality from first hand experience if you need it. The
word "ambivalence" isn't in her vocabulary. She has the kind of friends
that will come over and help her move 8 cubic yards of dirt in the
pouring rain. She is 100% WYSIWYG. She isn't perfect by any stretch, but
she walks it like she talks it. The buck stops here.
- Do you have to use all that profanity? It's so unladylike!
The site is called "Heartless Bitches," people! Unless you're a complete fucking moron, you
could hardly mistake that for an embossed fucking invitation to high
tea. Gosh darn it.
- Can I include one of your articles on my website?
You CANNOT, in any way COPY, redistribute, reprint on paper or electronically, or include articles from HBI on your website, or distribute in an email, without the EXPRESS WRITTEN permission of Nataliep.
Who really exists, as do her lawyers.
You MAY, however, make reference to an article and LINK to it on HBI from your site. With the exception of banners and "Official Heartless Bitch" logos (for members), you may not
reuse ANY graphics from this site. Copyright folks. It's against the law, and we HAVE successfully SUED people in the past for trademark infringement.
(Heartless Bitches International is a US Registered Trademark)
- What is SAMOTURE and how do I become one?
SAMOTURE stands for Self-Appointed Member of the Unseen Ruling Elite. The short answer is that you can't become one. You either ARE or you ARE NOT.
The long answer is that it's a joke people, a parody devised *by one of
our members* to torment the witless. Actually just to wake up the
slumbering common sense of an otherwise insightful individual through
humor. As a matter of fact, the butt of the joke caught on pretty soon to
the fact that, contrary to her expectations, HBI is not run by fiat, by
an invisible hierarchy, or by arbitrary censorship. Remember orchestra
auditions where you had to play your best every week in order to
maintain first chair? That's how the Bitchboard works, only you are also
the conductor, audience and orchestra. YOU make your own way, every day,
using all the tools in your mental, verbal, and moral toolbox. That's as
level as any playing field is ever going to be. Now is a good time to
read Roethke's rules about how to succeed on the Bitchboard. Our
Internet community doesn't mistake toadying and social manipulations for
n'ettiquette. Most "enemies" end up on the same side of some issue,
sooner or later, and vice versa, so if a majority of people think your
arguments lack merit, just relax and accept that it's not a vast,
well-planned-out conspiracy. While it well may be that you are a brave,
misunderstood individualist, it may also be that you haven't formulated
a convincing argument and have no one but yourself to blame.
That, dear readers, is your answer. Those who are SAMOTURE are chuckling. Those who are not will prove it by arguing with me about it.
- Where did you get your cool pulp girlie images?
To the best of our knowledge the pulp images used are in the public domain and are from old pulp novel covers and have been edited and sometimes augmented by people who have barely learned how to use Photoshop. Older copyrights are notoriously hard to track down, so please notify us if you believe any image used is NOT in the public domain.
The Axe-in-heart GIF, however, and all our title art, are original works and are COPYRIGHTED by Heartless Bitches International, and we get REALLY PISSED if you use it in your blog or on another website.
- Can I write for HBI?
You can TRY. We do welcome submissions, and most of the semi-regular
columns on the site are as a result of authors proposing them. However,
be aware that we are pretty picky about what gets posted. Marlene, the
Queen of Mean, has a quote in her email signature from T.S. Eliot, "Some
editors are failed writers, but so are most writers".
welcome to submit articles and even propose a column for HBI, but it has
to keep with the theme of the site, be topical, and well-written. I have
a preference for articles that are heavy on the sarcasm. Make me laugh
and it's probably going to get in, even if I have to do some editing.
And I DO reserve the right to edit. If your work is very good, you may
even have an opportunity to see it published in our upcoming book.
- How can you guys call yourselves feminists and then use a model for selling your T-shirts!?
All people used in photos in our online store are real people with real jobs that are NOT in the fashion industry. That girl "Model" is a software developer for a large company in the telco industry.
She just happens to be a friend of the Supreme Bitch and was coerced with copious amounts of wine and promises of use of the hottub for her services as a T-shirt Model for HBI...
- I want to send in a comment/rant/whatever, how can I contact HBI!?
Well, if you had READ the navigation links, you'd see that you can contact us via the "Contact Us" link on the right navigation bar. Since you didn't get that far, or need glasses, you can also get there by clicking THIS link.
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