Active Columns:

Mar 21, 2010 - Deja Vu
Mar 28, 2010 - SeizurePalooza
Oct 18, 2009 - Born to Run
Oct 12, 2009 - Give it a Rest
Oct 2, 2009 - ...Bitch on a Budget
May 12, 2009 - The Brazilian
Feb 14, 2009 - My date with "Adam"
Feb 6, 2009 - Valentine's Day? BAH!
Feb 2, 2009 - Won't get Fooled...
Jan 14, 2009 - Here Kitty Kitty...
Jan 12, 2009 - On The Mend
Dec 12, 2008 - A Not-So-Merry Christmas
Dec 8, 2008 - Ivan's Move
Nov 30, 2008 - Quick Update
Nov 7, 2008 - And God Says...
Nov 6, 2008 - It's Not Looking Good...
Sep 24, 2008 - Shake Hands With The Devil
Sep 23, 2008 - It's Just Like Paris
Sep 17, 2008 - Memoirs of a Catholic...
Sep 16, 2008 - Suicidal Tendencies
Sep 15, 2008 - Fat is a Feminist Issue
Sep 14, 2008 - Get Me Out of Here
Sep 13, 2008 - Living with the 'rents
May 20, 2008 - I'm Not Dead Yet
May 19, 2008 - PSA
Apr 29, 2008 - Are You There God?
Apr 14, 2008 - Frightening the Neighbors
Mar 17, 2008 - The Border
Mar 10, 2008 - The Vibrator
Oct 8, 2007 - Ivan the Terrible
Sept 20, 2007 - Depression?
July 19, 2007 - An Update
July 3, 2007 - A Good Catch
March 26, 2007 - Crushed
March 19, 2007 - Adieu le feu
March 12, 2007 - Taking a Chance
Feb 26, 2007 - Biological Clock
Oct 16, 2006 - Determination...
July 15, 2006 - The Puppy
July 10, 2006 - The Gastroenterologist
July 8, 2006 - The Neurology Ward
Nov 21, 2005 - Who Would You Do?
Nov 14, 2005 - Shaved Pussies
Nov 7, 2005 - Avoidance
Sep 26, 2005 - love, kindness, missed chances
Aug 2, 2005 - Geoff the Entomologist
Aug 1, 2005 - Revenge
May 11, 2005 - Going for it
May 21, 2005 - The Green Thumb
Apr 22, 2005- Barry Again
Apr 21, 2005 - The Rectal Syringe
Apr 18, 2005 - Butterflies of Love
Apr 17, 2005 - No escape
Apr 10, 2005 - Meeting Colin Farrell
Oct 17, 2004 - Oops, I've done it again
Oct 21, 2004 - Lust
Oct 30, 2004 - Of Mice and Men
Nov 5, 2004 - What the FUCK...?
Oct 12, 2004 - The US Election
Oct 11, 2004 - MegaCleanse
Oct 5, 2004 - Life Sucks
Jul 8, 2004 - The Horoscope
Jun 15, 2004 - Seven Deadly Sins
Apr 24, 2004 - Going Out
Feb 24, 2004 - Tails
Jan 24, 2004 - The Decorator
Aug 25, 2003
July 18, 2003
July 17, 2003
July 16, 2003
May 19, 2003
May 18, 2003
May 17, 2003
May 16, 2003
May 1, 2003
Mar 10, 2003
Jan 25, 2003
Jan 24, 2003
Jan 23, 2003
Apr 30, 2002
Apr 30, 2003
May 29, 2002
May 12, 2002
May 18, 2001
January 10, 2001
December 11, '00
April 17, '00
The Goddess of battle, strife, and destruction explains it all for you

The Male Biological Clock



Feb 26, 2007



Quick update:Iíve moved cities again.Same job, different office, 4 hours away.I know almost nobody.


So, when I was introduced to someone via a mutual friend, I went on my first date in years.(And years, and years, and years.)


He seemed like a nice guy.Personable, presentable, funny, interesting.All good, right?


Our first date consisted of dinner and a long chat.He was a complete gentleman and seemed interested in what I had to say.He was interesting himself - he had traveled, had done lots of things in his life and seemed like he wasnít a psycho.He is 37 and (gasp) a fireman - you can see I really wasnít entirely responsible for my actions in going out with him in the first place.


Our second date was, however, a horse of a different colour.


Somehow during the post-dinner conversation (and donít even ask me how this came up because I havenít got the faintest clue), he dropped a bomb.


"I need to know what you want out of this", he said, startling me considerably.


"Uh..." I fumbled, trying to figure out what in the world he was talking about.It couldnít be "us" because there was no "us" - Iíd had two meals with the man.With some trepidation, I waited for him to continue.


"Because I want to get married and have children.And Iíd like to marry a woman with the same values that I have.Sheíd have to give up her career to care for the children."


WTF???!!!What sort of topic of conversation is this to bring up the second time Iíd clapped eyes on the man?!A man, I might add, who had yet to even kiss me goodnight.


"I donít really want to waste my time, if this isnít what youíre into", he continued, as I struggled to pick my jaw up off the floor.


Jeez, I know Iím a catch, but this all seemed a bit sudden.Sensing my hesitation (which anyone else would have correctly construed as shock and panic), he put another offer on the table.


"We could try the "friends with benefits" thing, if you like.You know, sleep together but not be in a relationship."


Needless to say, I was mightily insulted by the subtext, which I translated as "Iím more than happy to have sex with you until something better comes along."


I told him that I wasnít interested in THAT either.


"Or we could just be friends - no sex - and see where it goes."


Or, I thought to myself, I could finally figure out how that "call blocking" feature on my new phone works.Seems a bit soon to think of moving again, but if needs must...


Is *this* the sorry state that dating has gotten itself into while Iíve been on hiatus??How have all you poor things survived it?


The evening ended rather awkwardly and of course, led to another even more awkward conversation some days later (before I discovered the call display feature on my phone).


"I wasnít asking you to marry me right away", he began."I just donít want to waste my time."

But, I thought, youíre quite willing to shag the eyes out of me until Mrs. Right comes along.Charming.I would have laughed if he hadnít been completely serious.


Since that little discussion, Iíve been avoiding him like the plague.And heís been calling - oh God, has he been calling!And I canít quite figure out why:Iím not going to marry him, Iím not going to be his booty call - WTF does this boy imagine is here for him?


I talked it over with Natalie and apart from pegging him accurately as a man with a biological clock on overdrive, she told me to go with my gut and jettison him.As if there were ever any question about that!It was simply a matter of deciding how to go about it.


Now, the way I see it, there are several ways to do this.


1.The Honourable Dump:"Iím sorry Mr. Wonderful, but I have no ambitions to be changing your bratís diapers and giving up my career to devote my life to you (especially since I earn two and a half times what you do)".


2.†† The Feeling Saver:"Iím just not good enough for you, Mr. Wonderful.Although Iím aware of the great honour youíre doing me by even considering me as marriage/booty call material, Iím afraid Iíd disappoint you by not being servile and obedient enough to your every whim."


3.†† The Chickenshit (my personal favourite):Screen all my calls, avoid him like the plague, thank the stars for my lucky escape and berate the friend who told me he was a "nice guy".


Right, thatís decided:number three it is.However, I have every confidence that no matter how hardcore I am about implementing the Chickenshit Strategy, heíll eventually track me down and demand an explanation.


If that happens, I suppose Iíll trot out the "itís not you: itís me" line and whatever else I think he might fall for.


In the meantime, however, he has managed singlehandedly and in record time, to persuade me to forgo the wonderful world of dating for the foreseeable future.If this is representative of what is going on out there, I want no part of it.


Till next time,






Copyright© the Morrigan & Heartless Bitches International ( 2007
go to top

Pause your cursor over each link below for a more detailed description

Search HBI
   Collected Quotes
   The Manipulator Files
   Nice Guys? BLEAH
   Auntie Dote
   Honorary HBs
   Adult Books
   Kids Books
   Privacy Policy
   HBI Sitings


Want to link to HBI?

  Want to know when we update? Subscribe to our "What's New" RSS Feed

(What is an RSS Feed?)

Get SharpReader - our favorite RSS aggregator - it's free!

If you don't have a Newsreader, you can subscribe to updates via email:

Enter your Email

Powered by FeedBlitz

Add this Content to Your Site