Active Columns:

Mar 21, 2010 - Deja Vu
Mar 28, 2010 - SeizurePalooza
Oct 18, 2009 - Born to Run
Oct 12, 2009 - Give it a Rest
Oct 2, 2009 - ...Bitch on a Budget
May 12, 2009 - The Brazilian
Feb 14, 2009 - My date with "Adam"
Feb 6, 2009 - Valentine's Day? BAH!
Feb 2, 2009 - Won't get Fooled...
Jan 14, 2009 - Here Kitty Kitty...
Jan 12, 2009 - On The Mend
Dec 12, 2008 - A Not-So-Merry Christmas
Dec 8, 2008 - Ivan's Move
Nov 30, 2008 - Quick Update
Nov 7, 2008 - And God Says...
Nov 6, 2008 - It's Not Looking Good...
Sep 24, 2008 - Shake Hands With The Devil
Sep 23, 2008 - It's Just Like Paris
Sep 17, 2008 - Memoirs of a Catholic...
Sep 16, 2008 - Suicidal Tendencies
Sep 15, 2008 - Fat is a Feminist Issue
Sep 14, 2008 - Get Me Out of Here
Sep 13, 2008 - Living with the 'rents
May 20, 2008 - I'm Not Dead Yet
May 19, 2008 - PSA
Apr 29, 2008 - Are You There God?
Apr 14, 2008 - Frightening the Neighbors
Mar 17, 2008 - The Border
Mar 10, 2008 - The Vibrator
Oct 8, 2007 - Ivan the Terrible
Sept 20, 2007 - Depression?
July 19, 2007 - An Update
July 3, 2007 - A Good Catch
March 26, 2007 - Crushed
March 19, 2007 - Adieu le feu
March 12, 2007 - Taking a Chance
Feb 26, 2007 - Biological Clock
Oct 16, 2006 - Determination...
July 15, 2006 - The Puppy
July 10, 2006 - The Gastroenterologist
July 8, 2006 - The Neurology Ward
Nov 21, 2005 - Who Would You Do?
Nov 14, 2005 - Shaved Pussies
Nov 7, 2005 - Avoidance
Sep 26, 2005 - love, kindness, missed chances
Aug 2, 2005 - Geoff the Entomologist
Aug 1, 2005 - Revenge
May 11, 2005 - Going for it
May 21, 2005 - The Green Thumb
Apr 22, 2005- Barry Again
Apr 21, 2005 - The Rectal Syringe
Apr 18, 2005 - Butterflies of Love
Apr 17, 2005 - No escape
Apr 10, 2005 - Meeting Colin Farrell
Oct 17, 2004 - Oops, I've done it again
Oct 21, 2004 - Lust
Oct 30, 2004 - Of Mice and Men
Nov 5, 2004 - What the FUCK...?
Oct 12, 2004 - The US Election
Oct 11, 2004 - MegaCleanse
Oct 5, 2004 - Life Sucks
Jul 8, 2004 - The Horoscope
Jun 15, 2004 - Seven Deadly Sins
Apr 24, 2004 - Going Out
Feb 24, 2004 - Tails
Jan 24, 2004 - The Decorator
Aug 25, 2003
July 18, 2003
July 17, 2003
July 16, 2003
May 19, 2003
May 18, 2003
May 17, 2003
May 16, 2003
May 1, 2003
Mar 10, 2003
Jan 25, 2003
Jan 24, 2003
Jan 23, 2003
Apr 30, 2002
Apr 30, 2003
May 29, 2002
May 12, 2002
May 18, 2001
January 10, 2001
December 11, '00
April 17, '00
The Goddess of battle, strife, and destruction explains it all for you

The Gastroenterologist



July 10, 2006



As if the hassle of being in a gulag of a neurology ward for 5 days was not bad enough, its apparently time for a visit with my gastroenterologist. This is an occasion I avoid assiduously but despite proffering excuses both imaginative and unanswerable, hes heard them all by now and refuses to be placated. The crafty bastard has even gone so far as to call my physicians here and has become sneakily abreast of my upcoming schedule. Doesnt he have a life?


I hear that youll be in London next week, he said on the phone today, causing me to nearly swallow my tongue. Your neurologist faxed me your lab results your white count and alk phos levels are through the roof I need to see you. I have an opening late next Wednesday afternoon.


I too have an opening, I thought darkly, and I have no intention of letting him anywhere near it. Really: the mans practice was full what was he? Some kind of fetishist? What sort of person selects this as a specialty?


Im going to be busy I began gamely.


Ill see you at 4:30, he said, and hung up on me.


Oh God, Im really not up for this, especially as I know exactly what to expect. If I were into this sort of thing, I would have joined the navy or embraced a life of crime. At the very least, Id be getting paid top dollar on the prostitution circuit. I certainly wouldnt be volunteering.


As I cast my mind back queasily to our last meeting, I quailed at the memory. There was no chitchat. No small talk. No dinner. Just right down to business.


OK, he was fairly quick about it not normally a quality I applaud in a man. Under the circumstances, however, endurance is not trait Im after. It cant be pleasant for him (at least I hope its not) but its going to be much more unpleasant for me because I refuse sedation it lowers my seizure threshold and this is the last place I want to have a seizure. This means I must will myself to stay perfectly still while someone does a biopsy on me under rather intimate circumstances with no drugs whatsoever. Im sure hes factored in what the anticoagulant will add to the process but Im sure the whole thing will be rendered that little bit more special because of it.


Im still going to spend the remaining hours between now and Wednesday afternoon trying to figure out a plausible way to weasel out of it.


On the bright side, it sure is good to be back at work, despite the fact that I may have inadvertently left the impression with a coworker that Im either lusting after him or should be the subject of a dangerous offender application.


The problem is chemical. Im still getting used to the anticonvulsant (though Im almost acclimatized now) but for the first little while, I was lost in space every time I took it. Its a megablast of topamax and my brain wasnt used to it. (I try not to play with the chemicals in my brain. It generally has fun all on its own.) The onslaught of the drug manifested itself by making me babble uncontrollably, rendering me rather more senseless (and strange) than I normally am.


I spent some time in his company and while I dont remember the details of our conversation with any particularity, I do recall some strange looks. I also seem to recall him furtively reconnoitering the area, as if he were checking out convenient exits in case he had to make a run for it.


He is now avoiding me like the plague.


This is more than a little embarrassing and there is no way to save the situation. I am simply going to have to resign myself to being damned as a dangerous oddball, which, come to think about it, isnt too different from the reputation I enjoyed prior to being put on this medication.


I suppose there is only so much I can blame on the drugs.


Till next time.






Copyright© the Morrigan & Heartless Bitches International ( 2004
go to top

Pause your cursor over each link below for a more detailed description

Search HBI
   Collected Quotes
   The Manipulator Files
   Nice Guys? BLEAH
   Auntie Dote
   Honorary HBs
   Adult Books
   Kids Books
   Privacy Policy
   HBI Sitings


Want to link to HBI?

  Want to know when we update? Subscribe to our "What's New" RSS Feed

(What is an RSS Feed?)

Get SharpReader - our favorite RSS aggregator - it's free!

If you don't have a Newsreader, you can subscribe to updates via email:

Enter your Email

Powered by FeedBlitz

Add this Content to Your Site