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The Goddess of battle, strife, and destruction explains it all for you

Deja Vu


March 21, 2010

Ready for some dťjŗ vu?

Iíve been back on topamax for a while Ė much against my wishes Ė and at least in the beginning, I thought things would be different than they were the last time.

I was wrong.

This drug is poison, pure and simple.It sucks at seizure control and the side effects are brutal.

Behold.  The first bit is what medical reviews and studies have to say about it.

  • Recently the FDA has released warnings about the possibility of the development of suicidal ideation on Topamax. This was more common in people taking the medication for epilepsy rather than other conditions.
  • Topamax can have negative mood effects such as agitation and anxiety and emotional lability is often reported.

(Emotional lability is the technical term for "crazy as a bag of hammers".)

And this is what others in chat rooms have to say about their experience with it.

  • I am a retired physician who has had problems with epilepsy. TOPAMAX, however, is not the answer. It caused severe paranoia, delusional thinking, psychosis and more than I can share. The manufacturer has had multiple reports but have NOT reported them to the FDA. I know because I have spoken to them.
  • I am taking Topamax 100mg I'm getting crying sessions mixed with very strong depression focused on one thing...death.  This all adds to my depression.  I keep saying to myself " this is nuts" and thinking maybe it is the medicine since I never felt this way before
  • Topamax alone made me have crying fits and suicidal thoughts. I was on 100 mgs.  (This is same dose I'm on, incidentally.)
  • I was just curious as if to anybody had any POSITIVE stories about taking Topamax. All I have been reading is negative, negative, negative.


  • My 17-year-old son had his first grand mal seizure three months ago...The neuro put him on Topamax--a slow titrate and was going to peak at 150 mg daily...however, this nasty drug took a wonderful, even-keeled, smart and kind kid and turned him into an aggravated, mean-spirited and suicidal kid in a matter of four weeks.He is tearful, moody and there was no change in appetite...anyway, they have switched him to scared to death of that too! We will see how this goes...
  • For my son, the neuro's directions were too fast and furious which caused my son to have severe and I mean severe, adverse reactions...We are just not willing to work with topamax anymore so we are not trying depakote...and for the first four days, his personality has almost returned! He is more talkative and I saw his wonderful smile for the first time in a couple months!

Isnít this jolly?Shit like this is *exactly* why I went off the drug the last time and furiously resisted being put back on it again.

The good news?Once the drug is purged from your system, it leaves no lasting effects.

Topamax is routinely prescribed for a number of things besides epilepsy: migraines, smoking cessation and bipolar disorder being among them.For some reason, the studies show that the side effects noted above are more severe in patients with epilepsy (like me).One poor bastard who was 77 years old and perfectly sane before he started taking this stuff drank antifreeze in an effort to kill himself because the suicidal thoughts engendered by this drug were far too overwhelming to resist.And they sneak up on you too.If you donít know theyíre coming and why, they seem like perfectly rational and reasonable thoughts.

This time around, the mood swings were off the hook.I could be fine one hour and the next I could be crying in the bathroom.I could be a perfectly sane and lucid at 11 in the morning and the King of France by lunchtime.My paranoia levels would rival those of the Unabomber.Iím manic, constantly crying and extremely suicidal.

But I know itís just the drugs.That being said, itís very distressing to experience.

Iím going off this again and Iím never, never, never going back on it.I do not care if this means that Iíll no longer be a viable candidate for a liver transplant.I do not care if I seize eleventy billion times a day.Both of these things fall into the category of ďthe lesser evilĒ.

Girls, please do not take this medication.There *are* alternatives Ė I can go back to a really small dose of dilantin.It does little to control my seizures reliably but the side effects are minimal compared to this and Iím getting a little tired of being called crazy to my face.Itís also becoming a bit tedious to luxuriate over thoughts of hanging myself.

And if anyone out there is on topamax Ė or any other anticonvulsant (they ALL can cause this type of side effect, but to varying degrees) Ė and is experiencing the feelings Iíve been writing about here, get thee to an Emergency Room pronto.It is where Iíll be going once I sign off on this column.

Do not listen to what the meds are telling you.You are still in there somewhere.Youíre only nuts because the drug is making you that way.This is not a permanent condition so it doesnít call for a permanent solution.No suicide, ladies Ė donít you dare.Itís just the drugs.

But a word of warning:if youíre on anticonvulsants and youíre feeling severe side effects and want to get off the meds, DO NOT simply go cold turkey.It will earn you a back stage pass to Seizurepalooza.Get to a doctor and have her wean you off your meds over the course of a few weeks.You may need some anti anxiety meds to cope with the fallout for those few weeks.

Hang in there (again, without the rope).

Till next time,



PS.I just got back from the Emergency Room.They were great.The doctor said he hears this all the time about topamax, so he began the process of switching me back to dilantin.This is a dangerous time:the next three weeks will bring seizures with them but the ER doc was smart and kind enough to add sedation to the mix.He also arranged an emergency neurology consult for a few days from now.

Donít take this drug, ladies.I canít say it often enough.Do not take this drug.

Copyright© the Morrigan & Heartless Bitches International ( 2010
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