October 12, 2004
I think part of my depression is
due to the fact that there will be no NHL season this year, due to a playersí
strike.† Apparently earning millions of
dollars to chase a puck around the ice and pummel each other senseless is far
from adequate and the players have simply taken their sticks and gone home.
Unless youíre Canadian, you will
be unable to appreciate the anguish that has shrouded the nation.† The CBC has tried to fill the gap by
presenting us with "Movie Night in Canada", a meagre and unsatisfactory
solution that has placated no one.
The absence of a hockey season is
a disaster no American can truly understand.†
Perhaps I could liken it to Bush not having anyone to bomb this week -
truly a cause for impotent frustration.†
You can see the distress on the faces of people in the street and those
who would not normally greet their fellow travelers are prodded to express
their dismay to complete strangers.† I
was sitting on the subway next to some guy who was reading the sports section
with an aspect of obvious grief.† "Those
greedy fuckers", he muttered in†
outrage.† He crumpled in paper in
anxiety and turned to me.
"I canít believe that weíre all
being deprived of the only thing I look forward to all winter because some dumb
ass 19 year olds think that $5 million a year isnít enough to skate around a
rink for a few months every year."
"Well, yeah, I agree - but in a
way the strike is a good thing", I replied.†
He looked at me with horror.† "What are you - some sort of hockey
"No", I replied quietly.† "Iím a Leafs fan."†
His expression sobered as he
considered it.† "Good point", he said,
before returning to his paper.
Mike Myers once said that
Canadians do two things really well - hockey and comedy.† Both, I believe, are a direct function of
geography.† With frigid temperatures and
icy conditions the norm up here from November to March, we had to find a way to
amuse ourselves and I donít think anyone will take issue with the fact that we
are the worldís best hockey players.
As far as comedy is concerned,
our place on the map is again responsible for our talent.† I mean, jeez, look who our neighbours
are.† The antics of the Yanks are a
constant source of hilarity to us up here in the Great White North.
The American election, while it
doesnít disappoint as a prime example of absurdity, also scares the bejesus out
of us.† I mean really, what the fuck is
wrong with you people?† Are Jerry
Springer contestants truly representative of the average voting American?† Say it ainít so - youíre smarter than
that.† I know you are.
The entire world knows that Bush
is a moron† and a dangerous war
criminal.† It seems fairly plain to the
rest of us that if you take an entire country to war based on fabricated
evidence, are directly responsible for the decimation of innocent civilian
communities, level an entire country without any justification whatsoever, put
your citizens at risk as a direct result of your actions and make it a policy
to fuck your own soldiers up the ass, you deserve to lose your job.† I mean, itís not like he miscalculated and
failed to make his quarterly sales targets - hundreds of soldiers have been
killed, families (both Iraqi and American) have been devastated and generations
to come will be picking up the tab. You think Dubya will be around to deal with
the consequences of his actions once all this trickles down?† Think again - unless of course we are
talking about who is going to profit from the reconstruction of Iraq.†
Beginning with his flouting of
the U.N, Bush has systematically destroyed any credibility the Americans may
have once enjoyed on the world stage and has solidified their reputation as the
bullies in the schoolyard.† Especially
since this particular conflict looks as if it will surpass Vietnam as a debacle
of monstrous proportions.
Instead of quelling terrorism,
Bushís actions have turned fence sitters and moderates into die- hards -- Al
Queda couldnít buy publicity like this.†
Even those in the Islamic world who may have been inclined consider the
matter soberly have been swayed by the ongoing obscenity that is the American
war effort in Iraq. Now everybody has copped on to the fact that the current
administrationís foreign policy is imperialistic, self-serving and apparently
completely out of control and the only ones who can save us are the American
voters who actually get up off their asses and cast their ballots.
Now donít get me wrong - I have
nothing against any of you individually.†
I think youíre all just as cute a buttons.† Itís that lunatic who bought his way into the White House last
time around thatís making you all look bad.†
You have to admit that if heís the best you can do, weíre all fucked.
Have you ever listened to Bush
speak?† While invaluable for the yuks it
provides, it also scares the hell out of me because of the support he has.† The fact that a corrupt and clueless frat
boy without a functioning brain cell is at the helm of the free world is a
frightening enough concept but the realization that he is being propped up by
corrupt corporations and big money interests is truly chilling.†
And you guys shot Kennedy,
for Godís sake.† The mind boggles.
And what the fuck is up with that
WMD debacle?† Bush insisted that Iraq
was in possession of them and even in the face of last weekís confession that
their weapons program was virtually useless as against the might of the
American military machine, Bush continued to maintain that the war was
justified.† Please, please, please tell
me he isnít fooling any of you down there.†
For your own sake, if not for the sake of the rest of the world.† Bush used lies to justify flouting the U.N.
and his pique resulted in his administration perpetrating a war that has
inexorably turned into a quagmire of waste and incalculable human misery.† Can you honestly see it spontaneously
getting better?† If you stop to think
about it, where do you imagine it will all end?
And donít even get me started on
his record on womenís rights. Not to mention that proposed constitutional
amendment banning gay marriage.†
The man is dumber than a box of
hair. Any sentient being with a lick of sense would see that he isnít fit to be
elected dog-catcher in Ulan Bator and while I enjoy a good laugh as much as the
next gal, keeping the guy around just to boost the ratings on The Daily Show
seems a bit extreme.
Iíve heard the pundits say that
if every American woman made the effort to vote this November, they could
decide the election.† You have a voice,
it wonít cost you a thing and generations to come will laud you as the most
sensible and humane constituency of the early 21st century.† Ask yourself whose agenda Bush is
serving.† Ask yourself if you want to be
part of that.† Then - please - vote for
The rest of us are only able to
watch but countless millions of you can actually decide what sort of country
you want to be.† I think you deserve
much better than Bush.†
I think we all do.
Till next time.