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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

The Manipulator Files
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Jan 31, 2004


The whole issue of to-wax-or-not-to-wax has vehemently invaded the female (self) conscience over the past year or so, to the point where to wax or not isn’t even the question anymore. The question now is how much to wax? “Landing Strip” or “Brazilian”? Heart-shaped or the rudimentary rectangle?

In a recent women’s magazine (that shall remain nameless) with a insanely, unexplainably high distribution rate, an entire six pages was dedicated to the subject. At the time the Brazilian had just come into fashion, so to speak, and undoubtedly there were a-many insipid and desultory young women going about their ways simply just not knowing what the protocol on such diminutive matters was. Some kind-hearted editor took it upon herself to educate these damsels in distress.

The six pages were chock-a-block with diagrams of alternative design choices, lists of various assisting products, a running commentary by “waxing specialists” and vox-pop interviews with “every day girls” expressing their various opinions on the matter. The statistic may not be one hundred percent accurate, but it appeared to me that at least about 70-80% of these girls all had an identical reason for their new hairless pubic arrangement: their boyfriends.

“My boyfriend prefers it” seemed to be the most common explanation. And suffice to say, a majority of these girls thought that that was an appropriate response requiring no more detail.

(Like, oh yeah, my boyfriend also prefers me not getting to be over 100 pounds, so I only eat his leftovers. Considering that he’s a 250 pound slob that eats everything aside from what he gets caught in his unruly facial hair, I don’t really eat that much.) !

Perhaps even more disturbing was the survey conducted. Despite waxing being a completely female issue, the magazine took it upon itself to acquire a completely male opinion by including a pie chart claiming that 90% of all males (exactly how many were asked was not specified, of course) preferred a Brazilian, a further 7% preferred “not much hair” and the other 3% were “unconcerned” with the issue.

Does it seem strange to anyone else that no survey was conducted on what females preferred?!

Of course not much can be expected from these glossy, pre-madonna, superficial fashion magazines that are presumably run by a bevy of asinine waifs. But seriously, there has got to be something wrong with a culture that accepts this kind of dictatorial drivel as interesting informative reading. And don’t think that I’m exaggerating here: the contents page of the ensuing issue boldly pronounced the extensive amount of thank-you letters it received from girls all over the country, expressing gratitude for clearing up such an untapped, “taboo” issue.

Apparently there are still a lot of girls that need to be told how to do everything.

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