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Enough with the bridezillas!

(Apr 14, 2008)

by Artemis 

The wedding industry and the sheep-like women who practically orgasm at the sight of a ring bearer pillow or have a coronary at the thought of not being able to find the perfect shade of candy apple red tissues to shove in the tears of joy packets can kiss my ass. I was a bride myself last year and still don't know what turns a normal (or am I assuming too much?) woman into a spoiled, self-important, entitled monster. She is a nightmare in tulle. She strikes fear in the hearts of all whom she comes into contact with in pursuit of "her special day." What about the groom? Oh yes, the quivering mass of DNA who is slowing watching his future of servitude to a beast unfolds is standing at the end of the aisle, shaking in his rented tux shoes. Why he has not run away? He foolishly assumes her behavior is due to wedding stress. WRONG! Wait until you start having babies bud, the whole process is going to start again.

While dear husband and I were planning our wedding, we foolishly decided to poke our heads in at a bridal show. Big. Mistake. That was the last time we ever made a decision after downing 2 bottles of wine. So with hangovers the next morning we trek on over. I (now keep in mind, vendors play on the assumption that all women are attracted to shiny objects and don't pay men one iota of attention) am immediately swooped down upon by a man dressed as Cinderella's coach driver, complete with top hat and creepy Disney-esqe painted on smile. Next to him is a pumpkin shaped carriage covered in tulle and Christmas lights. "Would you like to ride to your wedding in style," the gentleman asks. He ignores the eyebrow that has arched up to my hairline. I try to walk away with a giggly fiancÚ on my arm when Cinderella man calls out the phrase that makes the hair on my toes curl, " EVERY GIRL WANTS TO BE A PRINCESS ON HER WEDDING DAY!" *twitch* *twitch*

Here in lies the problem folks. WOMEN do not get distracted by princess fantasies. GIRLS could care less about marriage and only focus on the attention, table assignments, and the bragging rights she feels that come with weddings. They are the ones that are convinced all single women are instantly jealous of her new status, everyone is envious her ring, and if you are not envious it means you're bitter, or if your ring is smaller than hers your husband doesn't love you. Basically, these idiots have turned what is supposedly a joyous occasion into a pissing contest of who can have the bigger party, bigger ring, and the most attention. Not surprising though, these same dolts have a good chance of a quick divorce since many are shocked that unlike the wedding, marriage isn't always a fun party.

Only then these ladies realize that terrorizing their former friends who were members of the bridal party was not such a good idea when she realizes she has no one to run to for support.

Put down the wedding magazines (porn), stop nagging him for a ring, get over yourself, and quit adding to the stereotype that all women dream about their wedding days and act like spoiled little shits when the time comes!

Forward this ARTICLE to someone who needs to answer the CLUE PHONE

Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2008, All Rights Reserved

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