What's Wrong with Nice Guys?
The Manipulator Files
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Dogs VS Men
(if the author emails me, I'll give credit....)
- How Dogs Are Better Than Men
- How Dogs and Men Are The Same
- Where Dogs Fall Down
1. How Dogs Are Better Than Men
- Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
- Dogs miss you when you're gone.
- You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
- Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
- Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
- Dogs don't criticize your friends.
- Dogs admit when they're jealous.
- Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
- Dogs do not play games with you -
- except fetch (and they never
laugh at how you throw).
- Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they
know the most important thing is that you're together.
- Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
- No dog ever voted to confirm Clarence Thomas.
- You can house train a dog.
- Dogs are easy to buy for.
- Dogs are good with kids.
- Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
- Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
- You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
- The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but
there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives
it to you.)
- Dogs understand what "No!" means.
- Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
- Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
- Dogs do not read at the table.
- Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
- You can force a dog to take a bath.
- Dogs don't correct your stories.
- Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger
- Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
- Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
- Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
- Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
- Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
- Dogs admit it when they're lost.
- Dogs look at your eyes.
- Dogs like your size.
- Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
- Dogs take care of their own needs.
- Dogs are color blind.
- Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
- Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
- Dogs are nice to your relatives.
- Dogs don't care how you dress.
- Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
2. How Dogs and Men Are the Same
- Both take up too much space on the bed.
- Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
- Both are threatened by their own kind.
- Both mark their territory.
- Both are bad at asking you questions.
- Neither tells you what's bothering them.
- Both tend to smell riper with age.
- Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
- The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
- Neither does any dishes.
- Both fart shamelessly.
- Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
- Both are suspicious of the postman.
- Both like dominance games.
- Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
- Neither understands what you see in cats.
3. Where Dogs Fall Down
- Men only have two feet that track in mud.
- Men can buy you presents.
- Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them
around the block.
- Men are a little bit more subtle.
- Men don't eat turds on the sly.
- Men open their own cans.
- Dogs have dog breath all the time.
- Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
- It's fun to dry off a wet man.
- Holiday Inns accept men.
- Men are strong and like to lift things to prove it.
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