Facts to Bitch About...
by (a.k.a. P.Dantik)
Dear Heartless Bitch,
Well ok, since you've dangled that bait, I'll bite. I'd really like to
know why 'bitch' is the ultimate insult from one woman to another and by
some strange twist of logic a badge of honour. Is there something wrong
with the female version of man's best friend? To a man, a dog is a dog
regardless of gender. We feed them, play with them, take them for
walks, and allow them to be involved in the choice of future partners;
You know, your dog sniffs my dog's butt, we smile, nature takes it's
course, little kid asks mummy what those dogs are doing, and we throw a
bucket of cold water over the budding relationship. Next thing I know
you slap me with a maintenance and support claim and I'm looking for new
homes for all those cute puppies. But more of that later. What I really
want to do first is point out a few facts.
Fact: men and women were not created equal
Fact: women are horny
Fact: women are in charge
Let's examine each fact with some supporting evidence. First and
foremost equality. If men and women were equals then men would have
been given a brain that functions at the same time as our dick. Instead
we are lumbered with a system that can only supply blood and therefore
oxygen to one or the other. Never the two at the same time. Do I need
to quote examples here? Ok just the one for old times sake: Bill
Clinton. He's a guy in charge of the trigger, and at the same time has
no idea what to do with a cigar. Well duh!
Women are by nature horny. They are horny before their period, they are
horny during their period and they are horny after their period. PMS is
actually the time when it dawns on them that they went to the trouble of
producing an egg, they failed to fertilise it and now they have to go
and make another frigging egg. Life would have been so much simpler if
they made the egg, fertilised it when ever they had time and didn't
produce another egg until they felt like it. All this business of
making the egg, getting rid of the egg and making another egg just
because the moon is full again is just so tiresome.
So, when women are horny, they have sex. Women pick who they have sex
with. That's if they feel like using a man at the time. They are
perfectly well equipped to enjoy sex by themselves or with each other.
The only reason men enter the equation is procreation. If women could
figure out a way to perpetuate their species (women) without the
interference of men, it is perfectly obvious that men would be obsolete.
Did someone say "cloning"? Is there any significance attached to the
fact that the first sheep to be cloned was called 'Dolly'? Why not
Bruce I hear you ask. Well what's the point of producing a ram? What
you need are more ewes to produce more ewes. If you don't need a ram to
produce a ewe, why clone a ram in the first place? For the extra dangly
bit? Nobody eats that anyway. Well nobody except for some folk in the
mountains that call them prairie oysters. But them is strange folk.
Let's face it, a man pretty much functions as a rather complicated
recharging battery for a personal self-gratification device (vibrator).
The only reason god invented man was because she hadn't had time to
figure out compact rechargeable batteries by the time she created Eve.
All this nonsense about Adam being first, is just a bit of propaganda
perpetuated by women to keep men in the dark.
It's also quite obvious that women do the choosing. Sometimes women are
really bad at picking a good vibrator model. Sometimes they pick one
because it looks good, but it is ultimately ill equipped to handle the
load. Then they have to go through a recall and re-issue process called
divorce and re-marriage. Unfortunately some women just won't learn
their lesson and keep buying second hand 'pre-loved' models thinking
that they are better operators than the original owner. These women
are quite delusional. They go on proclaiming to the world that they are
Heartless Bitches discarding men like old shoes. The truth is, they are
just lousy shoppers.
Women are in charge. They get to pick who they are having sex with,
when, and how. Men are just going along for the ride, grateful that
they do have a ride. Men don't pick up women at bars. Women pick up
men in bars. Men with smooth pick up lines just think they are good at
it because women let them. That's because women are actually
selectively deaf when it comes to listening to men. When was the last
time a man said something of interest to a woman? Actually, counting
most major forms of verbal or written communication over the past five
million years, approximately never. Anything men say is for other men.
That's why a guttural grunt invented sometime soon after the dinosaurs
became extinct, still conveys a lot of meaning between two men. Men are
really bad communicators. Women tend to communicate with each other on
a whole different level. Just think, if it wasn't for women, men would
still go around grunting, farting and scratching themselves when
attempting to communicate. On second thoughts nothing much has changed
in the last 50-odd millennia.
Women get to have the offspring and then stay home to educate their
young in the ways of the world. They make sure the boys learn that they
should go out and provide shelter, sustenance and comfortable shoes for
their future owner (wife). They are taught that they should compete with other males for
resources, more expensive caves, and bigger bathrooms. They teach the
girls that it is their position in life to lord it over the men and to
make sure that they keep them in the style that their birthright has
accustomed them to.
What I find intriguing is that some women actually want to be recognised
as Heartless Bitches by their peer group. The trouble is that a
Heartless Bitch by definition does not seek recognition. She is quite
content within herself in the knowledge that she is a Heartless Bitch.
She does not seek nor require validation from anyone.
So women are not perfect, and neither is god. If she were, she would not
have created Eve and then attached Eve's means of procreation to a man.
But then again this could be the proof that god is the perfect Heartless
Bitch. A paradox way beyond this mere male's comprehension.
So in conclusion let me say this; The jig is up! I know what your game
is and I'm not playing any more! Men of the world unite! It's time we
had real equality with women! We should be allowed to choose our own
sex partners, and means of procreation. We should no longer be governed
by arbitrary gender specific role models. We should have the right to
bear children and nurture them in our own image. We should be allowed
to stay home and mind the kids. We should be given equal access and
floor-space in shoe stores. We want more personal fragrance counters.
We want equal floor-space for men's underwear. We want comfortable
shoes. And we want them now!
PS. I really like the web site, especially the background colour.
Period Red. Right?
Cheers, P. Dantik