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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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Himbos Have Their Purpose

(by Amy)

I'm currently semi-involved with a guy who would probably fall under the HBI definition of a himbo. He's cute, nice, conventional, built like a truck, and -- on first meeting -- seems dumber than a box of rocks. (He's a science savant, but it rarely comes across in everyday conversation.)

I've had enough of lazy, whining, energy-depleting wannabe artists and pseudo-radicals who say they want to set the world ablaze but can't get a fire lit under their asses. Although he may not be a scintillating conversationalist (in fact, he probably doesn't know what scintillating means), my beau always calls, always shows up, always pays. He opens doors for me and frequently tells me I look nice. He laughs at my jokes and listens when I talk. I'll never love him, but I'm very fond of him.

I recognize that this is a shallow relationship. He will not be a great love in my life, but he is a pleasant interlude. I refuse to apologize for recognizing a primarily sexual relationship as exactly what it is, without wasting emotional capital on a pretense of love.

In fact, we have discussed the situation and agree. We find each other enjoyable company, and have agreed to keep hanging out only as long as it's fun for us both. It's a remarkably liberating and honest relationship.

For unconditional love, I go to my family. For intellectual stimulation and/or emotional support, I go to my friends. For sex and a bit of romance, I have him. He fulfills a valuable function. Perhaps I'll someday look for a more complex and interdependent relationship, but I don't feel a need for it now.

I wish more women could separate their sexual needs/desires from their emotional and intellectual ones. Why is our gender so programmed to equate sexual pleasure with emotional intimacy that women can't enjoy sex for its own sake? I have seen too many women humiliate themselves in a haze of self-deception over this week's "perfect man," repeatedly pretending to themselves and everyone that they aren't "just in it for the sex." Dishonesty in general upsets me, but this kind of self-induced guilt and deception disgusts me.

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