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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

The Manipulator Files
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I'll Get Married (or NOT) When I'm Damned Good and Ready to!


I'm tired of various female family members always trying to fix me up with men that they say are "husband-material".

What the fuck does that mean? If he's such a great guy, why don't you date him?

Goddammit, I'm only NINETEEN! What is up with the concept that a Latin Woman over the age of eighteen is an old maid? My life is just beginning! It's such garbage.

I grew up in a fairly contemporary Mexican household that had old world values with a fairly new twist. But that marriage thing keeps on slapping me in the face. I have so many people constantly asking me, "So, are you dating anyone?", and when I say "No", they say "Aww too bad. I bet if you lost some weight the men would be beating down your door." Why not ask me "Are you going to school?" or "What are your goals?". The kicker is that these women asking me these questions are not spring chickens themselves, were married at a young age, and are now unhappy. Most of their husbands are out philandering and they blind themselves to it by pretending that marriage was the "best thing that ever happened" to them. Never mind that they don't have much more education than high school, if even that. They HAVE to be "happy" in their marriages - they have no other options!

To them I say, "Mind your own damn business you old biddies!"

I'm happy just the way that I am. I love the freedom that I have to take off for the weekend with my friends. I can go to poetry readings and museums or to the beach or to an R rated movie without having to find a babysitter.

As much as I love kids, I'm happy to spend time with my baby cousins and take them to the zoo and spoil them rotten. However, I'm glad to take them back to their mothers when they get bratty. I'm just not emotionally or financially ready for children.

The other problem I have is the sideward glances I get for dating outside of my race. I would love to find a Latino that I'm compatible with but why limit myself? Love is blind. I don't care for looks, I go for persona and ambition. It pisses me off when my mother says, "I don't want any nappy-headed grandchildren!". That is such an ignorant thing to say, especially since she is engaged to a white man. Really, it is nobody else's business if the person I am dating is black, white, green, or aquamarine with purple polka dots.

I get so irritated at the fact that just because I'm dating someone, my mother automatically assumes I'm going to get married or have kids with him. The fact that I'm dating a black man makes her so uneasy; she is constantly trying to fix me up with other men!

Geeze, just let me live my life the way I want to. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. But don't hold your breath. I'm happy and that should be your only concern. My biological clock has at least 25 more years before the ticking starts.

I feel so blessed to live in this country in this day and age where a woman can choose to live her life as she sees fit. If wanting to wait until I have a stable career and sense of self to get married makes me an old maid, then an old maid I'll be. But at least I'll be better prepared for whatever obstacles will be put in my path and I won't have to depend on my future husband for everything. If and when I decide to marry, I'll be able to share responsibilities with my partner. So many women in my family who were married young, divorced young. The biggest lesson that I learned was not to fall into that same pattern and just to live life for myself.

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