A Girl's Guide to Avoiding the Emotional Blackmailer
The Emotional Blackmailer is easy to recognize, but women seldom do until
they are well and truly sucked into his web. It is best to avoid getting
close to him because it is quite difficult to get away from him. Stalkers
start out as emotional blackmailers. Just the word "blackmailer" should
give you a clue of what depth of self-centered behaviour is lying in wait
to be sprung on you the minute you are hooked. Here are the roots and the
signs, the way he progresses to hook his victim, and how to get away from
What Creates an Emotional
A combination of neglect, overprotectiveness, coldness, spoiling and lack
of nurturing in infancy and childhood. This can be ascertained by comments
he makes about his parents - both of them. He will hate them and resent
them, while still taking his laundry home to mommy even when she lives in
the next STATE. His mom is blamed for him not knowing how to do anything
- she never even taught him to make his bed or hang up his wet towel, and
she didn't feed him; his dad is blamed for him choosing a profession that
he is ill-suited for - any profession that wasn't his dad's. He will say
they are both critical of him, and never gave him any support for anything
he wanted to do to better himself. This may be the sad truth, but he uses
it as an excuse to get everyone he meets for the rest of his life to serve
his needs. He does not have empathy - in this way he is like the sociopath
to whom people are objects.
Operandi" of the Emotional Blackmailer
He is too good to be true - He is soft-spoken and polite, he smells
good, he looks good, he is kind and loves women, he is respectful, he doesn't
come on too strong FOR THE FIRST FEW MEETINGS ONLY. He's always on the lookout
for a patsy, but he's in no hurry as there's always another one around the
corner so he'll take his time in coming on to you. In fact you'll wonder
why he's not attracted to you; you might think he is gay, and be all the
more attracted to him because he just wants to chat and be friends.
He'll be there more and more frequently -gazing at you with puppy
dog eyes; wanting to know everything about you, asking your advice, making
it look like you are getting to know each other and forming a bond.
He will put himself in the best possible light - including lying
through his teeth about his ambitions, activities, hopes and dreams.
His seduction techniques are often subtle and well-practiced - It
will seem he did nothing to seduce you until you look back and analyze it.
He sat and stood close to you, he brushed against you, but it didn't seem
to be on purpose.
He suddenly "Turns on the Charm" and turns up the heat -
Once you're hypnotized by his sweetness and modesty and respectfulness,
he will pounce on you one night and turn into a Mr. Hyde. It "just happened."
This is the critical moment to run away, don't let him touch you. He'll
leave you breathless wondering what exactly happened. He'll turn on all
the charm full force and you'll be wanting him from then on, yet wanting
some breathing room. You won't get any. Ever. It won't bother you at first
- you'll think he's attentive and ardent.
He starts using the wine/dine/lines technique - Once you're "seeing"
each other, he'll be a real swain, wining and dining you, going for romantic
walks, discussing how amazing this new relationship is, how different
you are from any woman he ever met; he'll insist on elegant dinners
and pay for them, and he'll talk about your remarkable beauty and how "alike"
you are. He will talk about your "resonance" and describe all the awful
women he knew before who didn't want a good man - who wanted someone to
abuse them. All of this is meaningless talk. He uses the same lines
on every woman.
He becomes clingy and controlling - He will start seeing you nearly
every day and each time insist on knowing exactly when the next date will
be. It won't matter if you spent 8 hours with him on Sunday, unless you
agree to another date Monday or Tuesday it will all be for nothing; he will
be unhappy and hound you for a commitment because he is insatiable for attention
and security - he needs to know when he will get his next fix.
He will whine and even shed tears - if you say you have other things
to do, other people to see, or want to be alone after seeing him 8 days
in a row. He enjoys being abused, so if you scream at him it only makes
him feel more secure. He got used to fighting all around him as a child
and he equates fighting with love.
He'll start demanding that you "prove your love" - In
time you will be expected to pay for your own lunch and dinner when you
go out, and sometimes for his too. The only way to avoid it is to order
nothing and just watch him eat. That is the only way to avoid being asked
to "help out" because he is short this week. At this point you will be asking
yourself, "What am I doing this for?" You have become nothing but his prop.
You will be asked to buy him books, dishes, household goods and help him
with his bills to "prove your love" because he's shown how much he loves
you; he will expect you to cancel family engagements to spend time with
you, see him even if you're ill. He has become your jailer. The key is:
he demands CONSTANT proof of your love.
He will "seem" to accept your decision to break up - As
the months roll along and you are tired of his constant presence, begging,
whining, using up all your spare money and having unreasonable control of
your life, you will decide to break up with him. He will then agree to back
off, give you some space, and try to do better. These are all lies.
He'll tell you he has "changed" - No matter how many times
you break up with him, he will call you to tell you that he needs you, that
he has changed, and he will say it all in a calm voice as if he respects
your decision to come back or not. His game is to stay away just long enough
that you forget his annoying traits and miss the good parts. But if you
agree to even one meeting it will be back to daily visits and demands for
constant pampering again.
Getting Rid of the bastard - The only way to get rid of the emotional blackmailer
is when he has found another willing victim to be his patsy. He will already
be courting her while seeing you and you will know this when he starts being
late for every date (he is juggling two or more women per day). Once he
has the new person in his thrall and has nothing to lose by losing you,
he will drop you like a hot potato - over the phone.
Beware of his "suprise" return - This is not the end of
it if the new woman disappoints him in any way - if she has less money than
he expected, if she demands good behaviour, if she doesn't give him enough
attention. Then he will be at your door again. This happens about 2 or 3
months after he dropped out of your life.
He prey's on sympathy, and lives to control - He will then say he
is leaving her, but his purpose is to have both women in his control - perhaps
one for money and one to scream at him, and both for companionship. He gets
a high from controlling people, because as a child he had no control over
anything and frequently felt abandoned. This is why the more women who feel
sorry for him, give him food, listen to him, go out with him, the better
he feels and behaves. However, he is telling each of them the same thing:
they are the best, the most beautiful, the most like him, he wants to spend
the rest of his life with ONLY THEM.