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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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Men Do This to Themselves

by (and Natalie P.)


First I want to state something up front, because whenever I express views like the ones that follow, I am invariably branded a "Man Hater".


I am not a Man Hater. I'm a Knuckle-Dragging-Moron Hater. There's a difference.




Iím going to start this off with a few words of support for men who date/marry empowered women:


We love you. You are awesome. However, the shit that you are served by your fellow men after they meet your girlfriend, (and discover that she is superior to them in every way), totally sucks, and we appreciate you even more for the fact that you stand up to it.


The other day, I witnessed this behavior, in all its asinine glory, and it spurred me to write this rant.


I was spending some time with my SO and his male friends. My SO is a remarkably evolved man, and supports me in whatever I do. He even goes to NOW meetings with me. I know you Heartless Bitches are probably thinking, "Wow! - That is really great! His friends should emulate him so they can meet and date awesome feminist women!"




Apparently, (as evinced by my SOís friends), many men regard those who have transcended the Cro-Magnon state enough to be seen in public with, and (gasp) loved and appreciated by a Heartless Bitch, as inherently Ďpussy whippedí, weak, or otherwise less of a "MAN". Men do this to themselves! They perpetuate the myth that by acting like anything other than a 50ís throwback, a man is somehow emasculated, even though the fabulous HB he is with treats him in no such manner. They refuse to see or accept that a Modern man (aka "one that has pulled his ass up out of the swamp"):


  • Respects himself AND his wonderful HB companion. This means that there is no retarded power struggle to figure out who is in charge, because he embraces the fact that you share responsibility for decision making.

  • Knows that he doesnít need to be insecure that said HB may earn more money or be more competent/successful in some arena. He knows that she is with him because she WANTS to be and that she sees him as an equal - not as something less or more than she is. He doesn't see relationships as some kind of competition.


  • Knows that he can count on his HB girlfriend/wife to be there for him, and vice versa. Thusly, when his idiot friends tell him that she is emasculating him by having said qualities, the MODERN MAN can tell them to fuck off because he knows heís got it good.


(I loved the fact that when my boyfriend was taunted by his idiot friends about me being a "sugar momma", he laughingly responded with "Donít you wish you had it so good?")


Unfortunately, you see this type of Neanderthal taunting crap all the time - men convincing other men that to be "out-done" by oneís SO in any arena which is traditionally male, is to be humiliated as a man. If we can make more money than a guy or have a more demanding job, and still see him as an equal, then why do they have an issue with it? Is it because when the roles are reversed, they don't see women as equals, so they think we will have the same kinds of biases that they do?


Heartless Bitches everywhere need to reach out to their more cranially-evolved brethren of the XY persuasion, and let them know that Heartless Bitches APPRECIATE a man who appreciates them and what they have worked hard to become and represent.


Let the Modern men out there know that they shouldnít be ashamed of embracing equality and having a liberated outlook. Someone needs to let them know that, because clearlytheir idiot friends arenít going to.


We are faced with a dilemma: as long as idiots out there continue to perpetrate and reinforce the "guy has to be in charge" mindset (rather than embracing the concept that "people in a relationship can be equally strong and capable"), the gender as a whole will remain trapped in the "one step forward, two steps back" conundrum and never truly evolve. Men have become just as indoctrinated by societal expectations and gender roles as women have, and the effects are just as destructive to both genders.


The correlation within the male redneck mind between feminism and homophobia is one of the things that perpetuates this myth. Men seem to think that an attack on their sexuality is a grave insult.By not being an oppressive jackass, a man is often seen by his peers as being fey, or weak, and therefore sexually inferior or "Gay".Itís ridiculous, but it is pervasive. ††


To the lesser evolved male, a woman who is successful, intelligent, and driven is seen as Ďthreateningí. Threatening to what? The simplistic answer is that such a woman is threatening to an insecure manís sense of superiority. But the real question here is what creates that need for superiority, and what can be done about the societal influences that promulgate it?


There is no easy solution to this problem.


Too many men derive their sense of superiority from the fact that that they think they must be needed by women.The primordial fear instilled by strong women into the unevolved mind is one that says "If a women donít need me, then what good am I? What do I have to offer? How can I control her and the relationship if she doesn't need me?" In the same way that women need to re-think their roles in society, so too do men.They need to realize that they have to offer much more to a relationship than a paycheck and jar opener service. They need to stop treating their romantic relationships as competitions. Many of them need to grow up and realize that they canít continue to be children in adult bodies and get away with acting like imbeciles just because they "bring home the bacon". When a man is no longer "needed" for financial or other support, he has to really grow up and be an adult.He has to be someone women can love and respect - someone a woman wants to be with, rather than someone a woman needs.It seems that many men are terrified of this prospect.


This deep-seated insecurity and immaturity that results in and perpetuates the whole caveman attitude needs to be recognized and dealt with. As long as women and men continue to encourage and support immature childish male behavior (as is usually condoned by the phrase "boys will be boys"), then nothing is going to change. Itís not about wanting to take the fun out of living - you can have tons of fun and enjoy life without acting like a self-absorbed 5-year-old ass and/or being lead around by your dick.


Ironically, it seems that these neanderthal types either seek out needy, clingy damaged women and then complain about them, or pick the ones that are utterly subservient and controllable. In any case, they try to find women that they can feel superior to in order to preserve their fragile egos. But as far as I am concerned, those men who only seek out weak and damaged women are just as weak and damaged themselves, and thusly ARE NOT MEN - they are boys. And those individuals who pressure their peers to participate in the same kind of damaged behavior are a cancer on the face of the rest of MANkind.


Iím fairly certain none of this rant will actually penetrate the craniums of any knuckle-draggers who accidentally stumbled on this page, but for the rest of you reading this I challenge you to do your part to change the world - DONíT condone and perpetuate dysfunctional, insecure male behavior.Very often women are just as bad as men at buying into and entrenching these outmoded attitudes.So to start you on the road to changing the world, here are some words and phrases to banish from your vocabulary:


"Boys will be Boys"

"Well I guess we know who wears the pants in the family"

"It's a Guy/Girl thing."

"Itís a manís job"

"Itís womenís work"

"Heís obviously pussy-whipped"


I know that I, and countless Heartless Bitches everywhere, long for the day when the mindset of mass male society sees the archetypal MAN as someone who admires and encourages independent, strong and resourceful women.


Iím done. I just hope Iíve given you something to think about.


::End Rant::


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