And Still more comments from and about Nice Guys...
From: MJholman2@webtv.net (Marvin Holman)
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 2004
Subject: Trying to reform
I have been reading the stories about Nice guys on your site and I
realized slowly this attitude is almost like mine.
Check that, is like mine. I do blame women a lot for my problems. Also,
I'm one of those guys who think in this whole romantic idea of love at
So as you can see not much going for me here. Also the low self-esteem
is a big problems as well.
Anyway, to get to the point, At various times I realize my problem and
try to get a little bolder and get more confidence in myself. It works
for a time. Then something (rejection, glimpse of a couple) brings me
back down to the guy who I know cannot help me at all.
I'm not trying to ask for advice. All I want to know from former nice
guys and the women as well and please be brutally honest, is How did you
keep the self-esteem going and when did you truly decide to make the
change for the better.
I don't think I have made that change and there have been many false
starts. I just want to prepare myself for some shock and keep going.
Maybe you heard this all before and I know now you think I'm hopeless
but I'm just trying to get out of a paralyzing situation.
From: "M" [ ]
Date: Tue, 20 Jan 2004
Your page made me feel so small. I've been alive 22 years and never
developed such keen insight about my own behaviour as you have so
harshly described. Yes you have convinced me that I am pathetic, weak
and that my expectations and my actions are contradictory. If some
depressed teenager needs inspiration for their suicide note, they should
just include a slip of paper with your web address. I should say
something awkward that I don't even understand but that smart people
would interpret as an attempt at a scathing insult. Did that get me on
the weak of the week?. It doesn't require alot of effort to get their
does it? Sadly, I lack wit and hence I am stuck in this superficial
"nice-guy" persona so that assholes like you will not perceive me as a
threat who needs to be punished with a well-worded insult. I can't tell
if I hate you or appreciate you. Drop dead or keep up the good work
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2004
Subject: nice guys
Six months ago I would have read this and would have been pissed. Now I
think you are right on. If you are a nice guy PAY ATTENTION to the
article. There is nothing nice about nice guys. I should know I am a
"nice guy". Maybe it would have helped if some one told your readers how
one becomes a nice guy. This is not for sympathy , I don't want it ,
sympathy is for victims I can't allow myself to be a victim anymore. I
grew up with a mother who was narcissistic as hell , she was also
violent if we did not do every thing just perfect she would explode and
beat us , kick us whip us and once tried to burn us alive in our house .
I learned that being the perfect kid made her happy , the only problem
is no one is perfect , so I learned to hide my mistakes , my emotions
and I never grew up to be my own person. My father was , you guessed it,
a nice guy. He never protected us and buried himself in his work .
mother used to to tell me that all men are pigs bastards ass holes and I
thought I would never want to be one of those guys. My grade one teacher
was a grumpy old bitch who would beat me with rulers yardsticks or
rubber belts just because I had a hard time sitting. I have ADHD and
this was 1969 when they thought I was just being a brat. The male
teachers were no better as two of them at different grade levels picked
me up and smashed my head against the wall. I couldn't tell anyone this
because I would get beat at home if mom found out. I learned that if I
wanted the terror to end I had to be the nice guy and do every thin for
everybody else and nothing for myself. So what is wrong with a "nice
guy"? we are expert at hiding who we are , we are always are looking for
someone to fix , we do nice things because we have learned that is safe
and people like us. We really aren't nice in fact we do hate women , I'm
not sure all women but our mothers and our girlfriends and our wives we
hate Why? Because we are programmed to do things for women to make them
love us and when they don't reciprocate the way we want we get resent
full. we don't know what love is because we have never seen it. We are
ashamed of who we are because our parents love only came if we were
somebody else (the perfect kid). Do you know what the worst thing is ?
My son is turning out just like me. There is no fucking way I am going
to allow him to be like me . IT ENDS HERE. If any nice guys are reading
this , or any women who are married to a nice guy please read No More
Mr. Nice Guy by DR. Robert Glover , found here
By the way the world has a lot more than just jerks and nice guys there
are good men out there too. Signed A recovering nice guy.
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 2004
From: "ryan liidemann" [email@example.com]
Subject: "Nice" guys
I just had to write in to express how important I feel the articles
about "nice guys" truly are. You really cut through all the lies and
expose how so many of these guys are just woman haters. I found it
genuinely scary to see how some of them would write in, break their arm
patting themselves on the back, and then just go on to talk about how
they deseve sex simply because they aren't overtly boorish. I enjoy how
you let them hang themselves with their own tongues, but I especially
love when you cut apart their letters and show everyone what they are
REALLY saying. Again, it really disturbs me that men like this exist,
and that the ones who write to you are just the tip of the iceberg.
Also, I just love the "Weak of the Week". All those guys out there who
think that this site is about man-hating need to read it and realize
that the majority of the jabs are directed at women. Nobody stupid gets
off the hook easily with you guys, even if they *claim* to have the same
Perhaps when I get a valid email address, I'll seek membership again.