And Still more comments from and about Nice Guys...
From: "Jonathan Khoury" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Date: Mon, 3 May 2004 22:55:22 -0400
Very interesting article I read in this link:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml#top . I
only have two complaints against it however: 1) the issue of the guy
asking the woman to make decisions; 2) the issue of adoration being
considered an insult.
With regards to issue 1, I would like to say that as a self-proclaimed
"nice guy" who woke up and smelled the coffee, when we ask women what
they want to do, we ask out of one of two reasons. One: We want to have
a sense of partnership and fairness, I'd like to see a relationship as a
50/50 deal. I still have remained single however, so I'm going to assume
that is the wrong view. The thing that puzzles me is that you also
mentioned how women want to be treated like partners, I would think the
50/50 concept fits in with that. Maybe I'm wrong, I'm not a genius here,
just a cynic.
Secondly, the issue of adoration I feel should not be
taken as an insult. If anything, if you were open-minded and "thought
outside the box" more often, you'd realize that it is just a compliment
taken to the extreme.
There is one girl that will forever stay in my
heart, she was a dear friend to me, and remains to this day, and I can
truly say I loved her at one point. I'm not saying that there won't be
other potential loves out there. Dr. Murray Banks, a psychiatrist who
would do live performances demonstrating psychology through humor,
stated that there is "no one and only shmoe." He is absolutely right,
there are plenty of "shmoes" out there for everyone, its just an issue
of finding that one. I will however say this, each time one falls in
love, it is different, unique and special. It'll never compare to any
other one. And referring back to that friend of mine, I will always love
her, maybe not in the way I once did, but she will always be special to
me. And you even mentioned that in your rant, so I believe that you may
understand where I'm coming from here.
Overall, I do agree with most of your rant. I will however add my two
bit sense in (and I'm sure after you finish reading it, you'll say it
was worth less than two cents).
I feel that women are more comfortable
with using a guy to get what they want.
Why do you think the "nice guys"
are always feeling suckered?
I've seen it happen countless times to guys
Now what does that say about the fairer sex when you have
some of them running around suckering hapless, foolish guys over?
In my own opinion,
that doesn't speak to well of women.
And I do realize you
will cite the way men use women for nothing but sensual pleasure and I
won't deny that.
There are men out there who do use women as nothing but
sex objects. Not all men are like that; it takes a man to be a partner
and a father, just remember that.
Anyone can do a "fuck no chuck." Just
as it takes a real woman to be a partner and a mother.
Lastly, I believe that if you are trying to put yourselves on a high
pedestal, at least morally, I feel that you should also be willing to
reach out to the nice guys than.
Your rhetoric struck me as sounding a
little superior to the male gender.
If that is the case, is it not the
responsibility of the superior (or leader) to aid the lesser?
expect nothing less from my wealthy representatives in my government'
that if they are wealthy, make their money from the backs of middle
class and poor class workers, get voted in by those same classes, than
those wealthy representatives have a duty to those middle and poor
And I do recognize the female gender as the superior gender.
I have received enough education to realize that genetically, emotionally,
and in intelligence, you are the leader.
I am a firm believer in the superiority of women. Thus, if there is a tone of superiority within
you, I would suggest that you open your arms up and try to help that
nice guy instead of just criticizing him.
Lastly, society has pounded it into our minds that we need to be with
someone, that being single is bad. I wonder how those media moguls sleep
at night knowing they are preying on the insecurities of these men and
women. In this day n' age, we need to and that someone is there for us,
that is hard to do since you're going against social norms.
Thank you for your time.
Date: Sun, 9 May 2004
From: Juan Dominick Willis (email@example.com)
Subject: You've truly opened my mind...
Dear Bitches? (that sounds so inappropriate...)
I don't know if this is the proper place to send this, but I wanted to
comment on your section regarding Nice Guys (TM). Specifically regarding
your articles talking about the underlying misogynistic motivations that
can be in them.
You're absolutely right! There are two kinds of 'nice guys' if you want to
look at it that way. You have genuinely nice people (male and female), who
do kind things simply as a matter of course, and who never make a big deal
out of anything they do, not because they're being a martyr, or earning
Brownie points, but just because they don't consider it important. These
nice people are rare, rare breeds indeed.
Most nice people fall into the other 'nice' category. The ones who use the
trappings as just another manipulation tool. I don't need to describe it
since so many have done so much better.
The point is, I used to be one of the latter, thinking I was the former.
I've since discovered the truth and corrected my ways. I only wish I'd
known of this site sooner, as it could have helped me a lot with
recognizing the bad behaviours I had ingrained in myself.
Better late than never, though... :-)
Now, while I'm still a 'nice' guy, I'm not manipulating anyone with it,
just being that, nice. If someone appreciates it, then great, I have a
friend. Otherwise, what difference does it make? After all, isn't that
was 'nice' is supposed to be?
At any rate, thanks for the great site, and keep up the good work. I'll be
sure to visit often and hopefully, be inspired some more.
From: "Micheal Kennedy" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Subject: Comment from a MAN
Date: Sat, 15 May 2004
I'd like to start out by saying, you have a great website. This stuff is hilarious and any guy that gives complaints about your website obviously falls into the catagories you are making fun of. Most of all i'd like to say that your posts on nice guys are all but false. Nice guys need to be bitch slapped by more heartless bitches.. this way they will realize they are only a disgrace to men. Nobody wants to listen to their whining and moaning.
You have my support
From: "Philip Johnson" (email@example.com)
Subject: Just read your website and unfortunatly I can relate
Date: Tue, 25 May 2004
See I'm a nice guy (yup start hating now), I go through periods of wallowing pathetically in myself pitty, even when I know there are people worse off than me, recently I was a little jelous of a guy going out with a girl who comes off very nice (though I did learn recently she has loyalty issuses) so I have given up and moved on, but I know that I'm still a nice guy and thats where my problem is for never really succeeding in getting into a relationship.
I realise I have a problem (wait am I pittying myself again or would you atcually agree?) but what I struggle on is how to become more comfortable with myself, to become more confident and just get out of the way I currently think.
Not that it hugely affects it but I'm 17 years old.
Anyway nice site, its funny and it bought alot home.