The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...
From: "Devin Smither"
Subject: COMMENTS: Nice Guys, great stuff
Date: Thu, 29 Dec 2005
Really a very nice site and the "Nice Guys" section is priceless as a laugh
and as advice. I used to be a "nice guy" myself and would like to think
that I have left most or all of those terrible tendencies behind without
leaving behind my core ability to care and be *kind*. I want to thank you
for spelling out the difference between "kind" (good treatment of others for
its own sake) and "nice" (good treatment of others for selfish purposes). I
think many men would benefit from understanding this distinction and I'm
glad to now be able to put it into words
"The Man With No Spine" really rang a lot of bells for me. I was a virgin
till twenty-one. Just before I hit that age, I realized it was me and not
women who were the problem and that quickly inspired self-confidence with
tendencies toward asshole. I thereafter found (I first wrote "acquired"
here rather than "found"--"acquired" might be a more accurate description of
what I did at the time) a girlfriend who was a good person, though insecure.
(She was my first *real* girlfriend--I had a summer fling a year before,
which enabled me to leave behind the childish belief that physical intimacy
equaled a relationship...it also enabled me to get play for the first time.)
This *real* girlfriend--I told her I loved her when I didn't mean it,
treated her very badly in the last few months of our relationship, and
essentially forced her to break it off because I was too cowardly to do it
myself. I spent the next two years single, but not desperately so (thank
fucking Christ...I look back with horror at my self-pitying self of
nineteen), with one random hook-up at approximately the year marker after
the break-up, now thankfully recognized for what it was. I also spent these
two years living with and fretting over a girl I'd crushed on since near the
beginning of college. She'd slept with a friend of mine sophomore year and
I never forgave him... till nearly five years later at his wedding, two years
after my break-up. I didn't realize quite how much this had eaten at me
until I decided to let it go.
In fact, I think my hang-ups with this girl
he'd slept with were much more to do with his betrayal than with my actual
attraction to the girl. Not a week after I forgave my friend (forgave him
in my own heart--I didn't and don't find it necessary to tell him anything
as he never knew the depth and breadth of my jealousy in the first place), I
met a wonderful girl. Now I miraculously find myself in what appears to be
a stable, mutually giving, respectful relationship with a fellow geek whom I
actually, no joke, love. I guess it really is YOU and not everyone else,
Thanks for reading this far, Heartless Bitches. Now I have a little more to
say (and ask)
I have a friend who might not quite fit the standard "nice guy" bill, but
who certainly does meet the standards of quiet, willful, unrecognized (by
himself at least) misogyny that so many "nice guys" have. This friend only
attempts to date very attractive girls who are, I'm sorry to say, spineless
nothings at best and awful bitches at worst. He hits on girls with some
success (he is, in fact, much better at this than I am), but falls apart
when it comes to detecting actual chemistry or proper timing. More than
once, he's talked about how he "screwed it up somehow" (*sigh*, so typical).
He's that comics-obsessed guy who seems to think some fucking supermodel
is going to walk into his life--like that awful "The Nice Guy" web comic you
so rightfully ripped to bits. He's also, naturally, a virgin (and rapidly
Lest I paint him too black, I really like him and he has quite a number of
female friends who like him as well (and at least two of whom he actually
respects!). However, these mutual female friends of ours have lamented with
me about his immaturity and blindness with respect to girls. In fact,
several of those female friends have *liked* him in the past. He never
thought of them that way--he's too hung up on looks, I think, is mostly the
problem, though it's not all of it
He's very funny, very intelligent, quite charming, passably attractive (I'd
say he would be cute to some girls, though never handsome), and he's a good
friend most of the time. He's somewhat self-righteous and can be a bit
selfish about certain things, but those are bearable faults, something you
just accept as someone being human
I know you're not an advice column, but if you have any insight, I guess my
question is: is there anything I or any of his friends can do to wake him up
to what he's doing wrong when it comes to his attitude on and perception of
women? My guess is no, that he has to discover that for himself, but if you
have any other ideas..
I suppose I'll start by sending him (and some of my other friends) a link to
your page and pointing out how I enjoyed the "Nice Guys" section. I guess
if this gets printed in the Comments section there, and he happens to read
it...well, hey, maybe it'll be the wake up call he needs
Anyway, thank you again for reading and writing and keep berating those
goddamn "nice guys". What most of them need is a swift kick in the ass
Date: Sat, 31 Dec 2005
Subject: Male Flame form : Markus Köppen
Name: Markus Köppen
COMMENTS: Dear Heartless Bitches,
a friend posted a link to your "Nice Guys (tm)" rant on a forum. Well,
actually, I read it and you are absolutely correct
When I first read
this article I felt like you were describing my first (and last)
relationship. I fit into the category you call a "Nice Guy"
having read your article I finally know what I need to change about
myself and this is why I would like to thank you very much
(I know I
am an idiot - forgot to put in my mail address the last time. Thank you
though. ;) And though I don't really expect an answer I wouldn't mind
you sending me a comment)
Date: Sat, 14 Jan 2006
From: Vivek Saxena
I love your site. It is right on point about everything. I
happen to be a 23 year old can't-get-laid lazy stupid "nice-guy"
asshole. I am interested in developing a site called
BigDickAssholes.com. It will essentially function with the same premise
as your site, but slightly altered to be more relatable to men.
would appreciate if you can give me tips on how to get started. How to
make a site like this. I had a few questions too.
1. Do you generate any profits from HeartLessBitches.com?
How many staff members do you possess?
3. How long have you
been in operation?
4. Did you design the site yourself or
5. How many members do you have?
I'm one of those idiots who like has to be hand-held through
Can't accomplish much by myself cuz I'm a moron. Are you'all
interested in idk.. maybe working with me to develop a sister site to
One that tackles the same issues, except from a
rational and sane man's point of view?
yes I know I'm a moron for sending this email. My grammer and attempts
to sound smart are lame and make me look like an ass. And I am a lazy
idiot trying to find an easy guide to making my little itty bitty
"dream" come true. And I deserve to be ripped apart and fed to the
homeless. I'm well aware. Any additional demeaning commentary and
criticism is most welcome so please feel free to rip me apart.
Date: Sun, 22 Jan 2006
Subject: COMMENTS on niceguy=bleah
I just read
"Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS"
And a lot of it sounded like ME! AAck!
yes, I am extremely insecure
no, i don't like myself
And the one time i was in a relationship,
i put it on her to make the decisions
I always knew that... SOMETHING.. about
me needed to be changed.. Now I know WHAT, And WHY,
As for HOW to go about that, I am open to
suggestions... (I'll be reading more of
your site, for starters..)