The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...
From: "William Moad"
Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2006
Dear Heartless Bitches,
I understand that by writing this email to you I am likely setting
myself up, however I wanted to let you know that while most of your articles
were merely entertaining to me, one actually had an affect on me. Your piece
titled "The Spineless Man (A Parable for Nice Guys)" began to cut me deep
from the first paragraph, because it was my life from the day I turned 15
until just recently. I am 21 years old now, and if you don't care for a 500
word essay on the intervening 6 years between the first and last stage
described in your article, please note that the last paragraph or two might
have something you do want to read.
For many years I had a good deal of platonic female friends....
... I don't think that
I am ready for a relationship yet but I'm seeing things in a different
light. I no longer think that I was shot down every time because I was a
"nice guy" nor do I think girls naturally prefer assholes, I understand now
the simple logic that if the same thing happened to me over and over it is
because of something I was doing. I will however have to say that I did have
much better luck as an asshole than as a spineless wimp, but mostly because
an asshole at least doesnt cling to people, but rather pushes them away, so
they are willing to stand near enough to him for communication, if only out
of arm's reach
While I understand that you have no desire to read the long convoluted
life stories of your various readers,
I found that parable matched my past
so closely I was compelled to explain my story.
I cannot say that I understand -all- of the ideals or messages you are
trying to present to your audience, whether directly or indirectly, but I
can see clearly that you are waging war on stupidity in general and that can
only be complimented. The article helped me to understand my own past a
little better, linking it all into one concise statement, and I must admit
it was creepy and a little frightening in it's accuracy. I think it is the
first time anything I read online ever directly applied to me, or made me
actually feel a strong emotion. I have no clue what that emotion was, or
even if I liked it much, But I am glad I had it.
Anyway I figure that in writing this to you I might get roasted, I
might get ignored, or I might be a shining ray of hope to spineless wimp
turned asshole turned normal frickin human being guys like myself. I think
however my primary reason for writing this is because that article just gave
me a hell of alot to say, and so I figured I would say it, for better or
worse, to those responsible for the article.
Date: Wed, 29 Mar 2006
From: "Ke Huang"
Subject: Very Interesting
I have to say... I absolutely love some of the articles on the website.
I agree with almost everything you women say. Thinking back to my high
school and early college days, I used to get too infatuated with a girl
and put her on a pedestal. Wow, I wish I had read this stuff several
years ago. I remember a few years ago I had hooked up with this really
pretty and smart girl, but I made myself too available to her and 'put
the pussy on a pedestal'. Eventually she ditched me =). Too bad I had to
find all of this out the hard way on my own
Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2006 19:57:58 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Comments on "nice guys"..
Thought I'd offer some thoughts after reading some of the material about
"Nice guys not getting the girl" etc. My commentary to guys who get bent
out of shape over rejection like this. You see a woman, you think she's
hot, but she blows you off. (As in doesn't reciprocate your interest)
You're pissed because she's being a "stuck up bitch". Yes, rejection
sucks. I've been rejected plenty, at times clumsily and tactlessly. But,
before working yourself into a snit - realize, especially if she's a
total stranger or if you don't know her very well, you don't really know
anything about her intelligence, her character, her morals. Maybe she
cuts loose with smelly farts all night. Maybe she has some fetish you
would find disgusting or is an obnoxious, uncouth drunk. If one truly
believes that a particular segment of "attractive" women "only go for
assholes", then what exactly have you been deprived of? A liason with a
female with screwed-up priorities who happens to have a pleasingly
shaped form? Do you jump all over the chance to have a relationship a
female no matter how dumpy and physically repulsive you find her,
looking strictly at how "nice" she is? Or think of another angle Mr.
"Nice Guy". How nice are you? Let's say you end up dating this woman and
have an ongoing relationship for 6 months, a year, 2 years. Then one day
she has a bad accident or comes down with a disease that leaves her
crippled and disfigured. You started out with this smokin' hottie, now
her face is a wreck, and she needs to have her ass wiped for her. Maybe
she's missing a limb, maybe she'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of
her life. This is her new reality, forever.
You still gonna be there
for her Mr. Nice Guy? Or one could take heed from the tale of someone I
know. My own father in fact. You look in the dictionary under "Nice
Guy", you'll see his picture. Met this big city girl. Tall, gorgeous,
had done some modeling, etc. had that whole sophisticated attitude thing
going. Yeah, he was all over that. Pestered her for weeks to get her to
go out with him, all but stalking her. She kept putting him off. Fast
forward about 15 years. Well, he got the girl alright. Of course, she's
squeezed out a couple of kids and slapped on about 70 lbs, and his
little hottie has proven to be a bipolar harpie from hell. She's vain,
lazy, and despite his having provided well is constantly, vocally
miserable with damn little reason to be. She's an irrational, abusive
bitch to her kids and blames them and her husband for all the things she
didn't do, such as get a college degree, though she's lived within 20
minutes of college campuses the entire time they've been married. She's
a bitch to family and friends of his who have been nothing but nice to
her, for no other reason than because for whatever reason known only to
her, they happen to rub her the wrong way and she feels like it. She
spends a fortune of the money he's earned on plastic surgery in a
pathetic attempt to hang on to the one thing that had been her stock in
trade, not having any particular skills or specialized talent or
knowledge. Yeah, he beat his brains out to win her over all those years
ago. He won the prize all right. There are definitely worse things than
"not getting the girl".
Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2006
Subject: Male Flame form : Sam
COMMENTS: I love you cold, heart-of stone females. Love it. Why? Because
it's real! Love and romance addicts? Yuck. Somebody still has to clean
the toilets. I am convinced that all females are like you, except that
some of them lie to themselves and others. You don't.
I also want to say that your views on nice guys and emotional
abusers has personally helped me a TON. I see the distinction better.
Nice guy is actually creepy conniving guy. And women don't just want
jerks, they want someone real, and not a wimp. Men that can't deal are
the "lesser males" that stay behind raising the other guy's kids.
Also, my ex was an emotional abuser of the highest order. I own my
share of the blame, but just seeing it broken down, is a surprisingly
therapeutic thing. It really actually helped me. And please do bear in
mind, women do that too, not just guys.
I no longer bitch about why don't girls want a nice guy like me,
etc. I just roll however I choose, carry myself with class, have a
little game, and life is so sweet these days. Bless you heartless
bitches. Honestly, that is a misnomer. You know you aren't totally
heartless. You just don't care for BS, and can spot it a mile away. I
love that. Girls like you can do my laundry anytime LOL
Date: Sat, 22 Apr 2006
Subject: A Letter
While do genuinely agree with most of what you say, and I find it
refreshing that there are still people of both sexes that tell it like
it is, I'd like to take a moment to comment on some of things that I
have read in your rants section. Feel free that to post this, ignore
this, or replay to me and tell me to fuck off. Your website, your time,
The main thing is a rant on why
Heartless Bitches do not date "nice guys". All of the other rants were
understandably blamed on men who used it as an excuse for refusing to
stand up for themselves, or as a means of hiding the fact that they are
misanthropic assholes. This one, however, written by a woman named Amy
Brown, was not. It had a stilted view of all three catagories of people
presented in her rant, formed I can only assume by her own experience.
Ms. Bown classifies a jerk as simply a man who is unfaithful, nice girl
a woman hunting for husband/bread winner/bill-payer/sperm bank, and nice
guy as a man on a fox hunt for that same male-stalking wife. I disagree
with all three of these things. I don't consider myself a nice a guy by
either definition, but women continually tell me I am (the "nice girls"
as well, so I'm optimistcally assuming that it's a reflection on my
ettiquet rather then the state of my spine). If I am a really nice guy,
if I'm just too "blind" (as so many of the rants claim men are) to
notice I'm one of the others, or even if any of the other men I know are
nice guys, then their are many exception to this generalization. Not
ever nice guy is looking for Ms. Cleaver. I could never be happy with
that type of woman, and neither could most of the men that I know.
I also have a dim view of marriage, or rather the way most marriage are or
become, and while I can't say that I have never cheated on a woman I've
date, it has only been because I have never felt the desire to.
I recently stumbled across your website.
Further more, I myself have done things on the spur of the moment, due
in large part to however I was feeling or whatever I was under the
influence of, and still people consider me a nice guy. Being a nice guy
does not necessarily mean that you lead a shelter life, nor does it mean
that you are intent on continuing it.
I think that this particular rant
is a disservice to to all of the groups identified, and perhaps even to
the heartless bitch community because it portrays them as being even
more judgemental then the men they claim to hate.
The other thing was a minor point from a rant which I don't
seem to be able to locate, but it expressed the opinion that nice guys
don't see what the real problems are with their relationships. I, for
one, and completely aware of my issues. The truth is that the majority
of the problems in my relationships stem from the fact that I tend to be
a jealous prick, and that I have knight in shining armor complex that
forces me set of my eyes on women who tend to be emotionally damaged, or
at least having far more problems to worry about then I do. Most of the
nice guys (as I apply the term) that I know also see their own problems
quite clearly. To say that we don't is to imply that every man in the
world who isn't an asshole 100% of the time has a severe persecution
I'm done for now. If you've made it
this far, you've given me my own chance to bitch, and for that I think
you. Once again, I love the website, and I hope you keep it for a long
time to come.
J. D. Bowers