The "Nice Guys" archive

Comments - round 36
Comments - round 35
Comments - round 34
Comments - round 33
Comments - round 32
Comments - round 31
Comments - round 30
Comments - round 29
Comments - round 28
Comments - round 27
Comments - round 26
Comments - round 25
Comments - round 24
Comments - round 23
Comments - round 22
Comments - round 21
Comments - round 20
Comments - round 19
Comments - round 18
Comments - round 17
Comments - round 16
Comments - round 15
Comments - round 14
Comments - round 13
Comments - round 12
Comments - round 11
Comments - round 10
Comments - round 9
Comments - round 8
Comments - round 7
Comments - round 6
Comments - round 5
Comments - round 4
Comments - round 3
Comments - round 2
Comments - round 1.5
Comments - round 1
Nice Guys = BLEAH!
Nice Guys we can do without

The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...

Date: Sun, 14 May 2006
From: M Husereaux
Subject: Your site is very informative!

Thank you for finally telling me the truth. Now I know the answer to the question "I'm a nice guy, why don't women like me?". I never realized it, it's so clear to me now. I am now armed with knowledge on how to keep a girl interested in me. I practically stopped being a nice guy after my last "Let's Just Be Friends". Not only will I get better at attracting women, but I CAN FINALLY BE MYSELF FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF A FREAKING PRINCE!

I'm going to become a middle guy instead. Also, BTW, if I find the guy that taught me to be a doormat, I'm am so going to kick his ass! Thank you! Thank you!


"Screw this! I'm Converting!"
Milhouse Van Houten

[Why do I get the feeling he really DOESN'T get it just yet...?]

From: "Tom Drewicke"
Subject: COMMENTS: "Nice Guy" in reform digs yer site

Date: Tue, 16 May 2006

'Sup, Heartless Bitches!

[Oh, not much. Just sitting here with my Gin and Tonic, riffing/annotating comments directed at the "Nice Guys BLEAH!" section...]

Yes, I was a "nice guy" in a big, bad way for many, many years. Had I read your site a few years back, my letter would easily of been thrown in the "whiny asshole" pile.

[As so many of them are... It's a shame the PILE is so big. And Stinky.]

But because of sites like yours and good old fashioned "life experice", I've slowly but surely shook the "nice guy" facade off me. It's not about being a jerk or being a "nice guy", it's about feeling good about yourself enough to not NEED somebody to dump your problems on.

[Bing! Tom gets a cookie!]

It really is a case of looking yourself in the mirror and asking "Would *I* want to hang out with me?" If you take an honest look, you probably wouldn't. You'd find looking back at you a needy, clingy, attention-seeking THING you want to get as far away from as you can! Now put yourself in the shoes of that "jerk". There's probably a lot of things you DO hate about him, but you'll readily admit you wished you had their CONFIDENCE. And confidence isn't something you can buy like a pair of socks or a TV set, it's like one of those expensive model airplane sets. You'll use way too much glue, you'll lose some pieces, and it'll take a damn long time, but once it's complete, you'll have something you can look at with pride knowing it's yours and nobody helped you. And maybe someone will come along and break it over their leg, but hey! You built it before, you know you can do it again! And when you have something like that, you don't take it where someone can do something like that anyway. You let people see it in a display case at a fancy place, not hang it over a dingy bar to collect dust and rot. I get a feeling you're not going to like my letter because it's too positive, but there I go again, slipping into "nice guy" mode!

[There you go again, making assumptions...]

I just want to tell all the "nice guys" out there to wake up, get a grip, and take control of their lives.

[As in Being In Total Control, Honey!? What a novel concept! You mean GUYS could try to be in control of their own lives, instead of trying to control others, and could take responsibilty for their own actions and behaviors and consequences?! Just like we are telling women to do?]

Being nice gets you nowhere, and maybe being a jerk gets you places in the short run, but simply being confident and secure in yourself will get you everywhere! Understand that these heartless bitches are NOT out to get you, and they WANT you to succeed, not as "jerks", not as "nice guys" but as "you". Jesus, why don't I just call up Tony Robbins while I'm at it? Shit. Anyway, keep up the great work, and keep putting "nice guys" (including me) in their place!

Tom "Not-Big-Enough-of-a-Jerk-to-Rip-Off-That-Alice-Cooper-Song-Title" D

Date: Wed, 17 May 2006
Subject: Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

This particular article is wonderful for showing so many different perspectives on the "what women want" discussion. On a local community forum a member linked this page and it sparked a healthy discussion filled with "bitches only want assholes" and "nice guys are miserable" and lots more blanketing of personal worst case scenarios.

A lot of the negative email (not including the teenagers) seemed based around the male definition of ‘nice guy’ differing from the one you portrayed.

We (generalizing, don’t snipe) have our own set of definitions and ‘nice guy’ isn’t in it. Or if it is, its confused with ‘good guy’. And I certainly don’t generalize good guys as being unconfident, boring, and/or manipulative. We define those kinds of people with a plethora of harsher terms. The female species (lol) has a funny way with words. When someone says ‘nice guy’, a male hears/means ‘nice guy’, while a female hears/means ‘loser’. Confusion ensues.

[I suspect this confusion is in part because too many losers have complained about how women don't want "Nice Guys" and have in their whinging and self-loathing have in fact created the perception that anyone who calls himself a "Nice Guy" is a spineless, clingy loser.]

I have a wonderful relationship with my girl. I don’t know what the variables are, I just know that we love each other. I don’t have any emotional or psychological answers, but I did want to mention a history channel special (Sexual Attraction) that sheds some light on what men and women look for in a mate instinctually. We do so many things without even knowing it and without the ability to recognize it. A lot of what women look for instinctually (leadership, dominance, confidence, good genes) conflicts with what the human behind the mammal values. While this info doesn’t much help the hopeless you describe in your ‘nice guys’ article, it might help the women who have trouble with always being attracted to assholes.

[I find the whole biological determinism thing to be a cop-out. People need to start accepting responsibility for their choices, and who and what we are attracted to IS a choice. In the end, *certain* women are attracted to assholes because of their own personal history and baggage, just the same way certain men are attracted to fucked up women. By reducing it to some "biological" or inherent genetics, we ignore that fact that people can and DO change who and what they are attracted to - when they use their brains for something more than watching TV.]

Love me please! - Andrew

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