The "Nice Guys" archive

Comments - round 36
Comments - round 35
Comments - round 34
Comments - round 33
Comments - round 32
Comments - round 31
Comments - round 30
Comments - round 29
Comments - round 28
Comments - round 27
Comments - round 26
Comments - round 25
Comments - round 24
Comments - round 23
Comments - round 22
Comments - round 21
Comments - round 20
Comments - round 19
Comments - round 18
Comments - round 17
Comments - round 16
Comments - round 15
Comments - round 14
Comments - round 13
Comments - round 12
Comments - round 11
Comments - round 10
Comments - round 9
Comments - round 8
Comments - round 7
Comments - round 6
Comments - round 5
Comments - round 4
Comments - round 3
Comments - round 2
Comments - round 1.5
Comments - round 1
Nice Guys = BLEAH!
Nice Guys we can do without

Why this girl doesn't date "Nice Guys"


Let's define some terms first. You may not agree with these definitions, but I'm going to use them for this rant anyway.

Jerk: Someone who screws you, then unceremoniously dumps you or, while feigning a relationship with you, screws around on you behind your back.

Nice guy: Someone who wants to date you, then marry you. Would never cheat on you. Optional: thinks you're just the greatest thing that ever lived.

Nice girl: Someone who wants to be dated and married. Would never cheat on her spouse. Optional: thinks her boyfriend/spouse is just the best guy in the world.

OK. Why I don't date nice guys:

No, it's not because jerks are inherently more interesting. Usually they're shallow twits.

No, it's not because I'm a masochist.

No, it's not because I have subconscious fears of a "real relationship."

It's because I'm really not a "nice girl". Now, you'd never take me for a Sharon Stone ice-bitch type. I'm certainly capable of being polite and generous to my friends and family, but:

I have a caustic, dark sense of humor completely lost on the average nice guy. Some of the things I think could never be uttered in such a guy's presence. Kinda indicates that my mind works in different ways, no?

I've had a lot of different experiences based on what I felt like doing at the time. Not all of those experiences are things that "nice girls" do. I'm not ashamed of them and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. The "nice guys" I meet just haven't been where I've been. Either they haven't lived that much, or they have hard- luck stories as a result of their forays into unexplored territory. I'm not interested.

"Nice guys," when presented to you on a silver platter by a friend or other well-meaning person, tend not to be very attractive. But hey, they'll treat you right! Too bad. I won't date or bed a guy I don't find attractive. And no, a guy doesn't have to be gorgeous for me to find him attractive. He just has to have lived and have some sensuality about him.

The words "give him a chance," to me, are the beginning of suicide of the soul. Men are never told to do that. I want what I want, just like men have always had the right to do, and I will get it or remain celibate and unattached.

I don't act like a "nice girl." I don't smile sweetly, keep the conversation going, feign interest in boring topics, or do any of the other things that the nice girls do. If someone's being a fool, I look at him funny or I excuse myself to talk to someone more intelligent. As a result of my forthrightness, men approach me and in many cases are forthright about what they want from the outset. I can take it or leave it; it's not intended as an insult. The "nice guys" stay with the sweet, cheery girls, where it's safe. The not-so- nice ones, the curious, the adventuresome, and the restless, look for something different. Sometimes they find me.

In short: I like men who remind me of myself. They're complex, difficult, unpredictable at times. It's hard to stay with them. And no, they haven't been classic "jerks." It's just not that simple.

Can a woman find "true love" (what the hell is that) with anyone other than a "nice guy?" I don't know what true love is, if anyone thinks they know, clue us in, please. But she may have a damn good time. No, it probably won't be a 50-year marriage with 5 kids and 20 grandkids. It might not even last a month. But those brief moments may be more fulfilling than years of purported domestic bliss with a fenced-in yard and a fenced-in spouse.

"A man is likely to mind his own business if it is worth minding." -- Eric Hoffer, The True Believer


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