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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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Paul has some choice comments...

... about the Oprah show with Penn & LaRose, authors of "The Code", and Ellen Fein, co-author of "The Rules".....

Was it just me or did I just hear you about blow your stack all the way down here, over this show? Man, I had a really hard time watching it. I agree with some parts of what was being said, and yes, men do want women with a lot of confidence and self-respect; but then isn't that what all decent people would want? I really wouldn't want to date a person who's idea is, "I'll be a doormat so they'll like me," nor would I want to consider someone who is thinking "I'm looking for someone who'll be my doormat so I can manipulate them."

But really doesn't a lot of it come down to being genuine? If you are changing to please a man's ideals so he'll want to marry you then there's going to be a day coming when you may feel "Hey, I'm tired of compromising my self to have this man." And he may find out that the person he fell in love with isn't the same person that home from the church with him.

I agree that women shouldn't date jerks and guys who aren't sincere, but is it just me or did this whole "Rules" thing (and the phenomenon of it's popularity) make it sound like women all over are just desperate to find a "Mah-Yun!" (Daisy Mae voice)???

At one point, Fein attempted to justify their approach with the comment, "So what are women to do if they don't have a lot of self-respect, just shoot themselves in the head? Say she meets you and wants to marry you, she follows the rules and you will want to marry her."

Yeah, she has low self-respect and then pretends to be different to get him to marry her, THAT'S a good rock solid foundation for a marriage. She's gotten a man to marry her that wouldn't have chosen to otherwise because of her state of confidence and such.

It sounds like these people would be better served figuring out what they can work on to improve their self-confidence and self-respect for their own needs and betterment and the partner will come to them.

I know I have a lot of problems and things that need work, but I would not consider dragging someone else into a relationship until I am at the very least making a lot of progress on them. The type of person that would choose me in spite of these shortcomings I have some questions about.

Is it me or does this paint a picture of millions of women out there without a clue? Is there some unwritten rule that those women follow that reads, "The line between persistence and stalking is a fine one, Blur that line." --- "Hey, I'll just show up outside his work everyday for several months or call him 20 times a day. He'll get used to seeing me and know that I love him."

Or is there another line stating, "A doormat makes a good life partner for him, that way he won't have to concern himself with my needs." --- "I can take in his laundry and sewing for him free-of-charge or buy all the gifts for his families birthdays/anniversaries and he'll see how devoted I am to him."

The fact that "The Code" was obviously written as a spoof of "The Rules" showed that it was all in fun, but "The Rules" was absolutely serious. Though she said it wasn't meant to be a "lifestyle", the book unequivocally states that you must do these things for the rest of your life and you will have a happy marriage. I caught Fein contradicting herself on several points.

Fein spoke a lot about how many suggestions and positive mail they got for the book. She didn't mention what kind of hate mail they might be getting, or maybe I just FFwd over that part because she made me want to chew through a live extension cord...

In the world of one-night-stands, is "The Rules" sort of like meeting a woman at a gathering, being attracted to her and her ample bosom and then when you get to her place you find out she's using one of those "pump-type", air filled brassiers to increase her chest size? Would the flip side of that be her being attracted to him because of the enormous bulge in his jeans and then at his place she finds he has stuffed his shorts with rolled up socks?


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