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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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by William Barnes in Bangkok

(Extract from the South China Morning Post newspaper in Hong Kong, 18 July 96)

Local surgeons claim to be the world's most successful when it comes to reattaching penises.

"We've done 300 cases of penile surgery over the past two decades in this hospital alone - no one else in the world has done anything like that number," Dr Surasak Muangsombat, head of Siriraj Hospital's plastic surgery unit, said.

Surgeons throughout Thailand have become experts in performing the microsurgery necessary to reattach enough vital blood cells to allow the patient to achieve something close to a normal erection.

The penises of philandering husbands appear to fly across the sitting rooms of unhappy couples at an alarming rate, but for some, things get worse. The wives in eight of the thirty cases in the past twenty years clearly believed severing their husband's penis was not enough, as some organs were then fed to ducks, boiled, flushed down the toilet or put through a mincer. According to Dr Surasak this makes the reconstruction process somewhat tricky: muscle grafts and silicone tube implants can sometimes help, although the result is often the medical equivalent of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Doctor Surasak had this stern warning for men: "Try not to have your penis removed - we can do a lot, but there are a lot of unhappy men walking around."

Or should that be limping?

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