"RANTS" Archive

What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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Some Things Men Should Know...

(author unknown)

  1. The reason our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually CHANGE our underwear.

  2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet bowl.

  3. If we're watching football with you, it's not bonding. We're watching because of the butts.

  4. If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.

  5. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

  6. Don't fret if you find out that the postman delivers more than once a day.

  7. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

  8. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

  9. Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths that you take.

  10. If you were really looking for an honest answer you wouldn't ask in bed.

  11. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubbernecking at miniskirts.

  12. If only women gossip, how do you and your buddies keep track of "who's easy?"

  13. Stop telling us that most male strippers are gay: WE DON'T CARE!

  14. Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life: You'll never see the island coming.

  15. Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.

  16. Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.

    And last but not least...

  17. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder level. Also known as the "they don't talk back" concept.

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