I am announcing my intention, yet again, to secede from my gender. The
last time my feminist separatist was stirred into action was when FOX
aired, "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire". At that point, I thought
women could sink no lower. Now, Darva Conger's willingness to be pimped
out for ratings seems tame in comparison to all the plastic surgery
reality shows in which women have shamelessly debased themselves.
You have to wonder if Barbie inventor Ruth Handler, could have truly
foreseen the havoc her monster voodoo doll would wreak on the collective
insecurities of women.
"The Swan" just about had me at my breaking point earlier this year.
Could we be any closer to the "The Stepford Wives"? Is the next show
going to be about submitting to a full frontal lobotomy in exchange for
breast implants??? Scratch that. I take that back. The FOX network can
be very suggestible.
What has inspired me to rant this time? A
recent article in Canadaís Globe and Mail stated that hottest plastic surgery craze is designer vaginas.
For a mere $1800 you can have collagen injected into your "lips",
plumping them up to porn star perfection that lasts for four months. For
more money you can have your nether regions surgically sculpted to
emulate those of the models in the porn magazines the doctors graciously
supply in their waiting rooms.
Iíve noticed that the recipients of surgeries such as breast implants
canít wait to buy clothing that shows off their purchase but how could
you even brag about having your vagina done? Who would notice? Does the
surgery include a free T-shirt stating "Vagina by Lakeside Plastic
So often plastic surgery junkies have answered their critics by saying
they are doing it for themselves. It is about self-esteem, not about
what men want. Now that women are seeking surgery on an area even they
canít see, this argument seems even more implausible. It is bad
enough that women (and young girls) stand in front of mirrors daily to
compare themselves to an ideal that represents less than 1% of the
female population. Now they have to lock themselves in a bathroom with a
hand mirror and a copy of Hustler to see if they measure up.
Iím sure the men who read this will say that men suffer at the hands of
the media too, but for the most part you are treated kindly. You are
portrayed as lovable oafs who canít manage to cook a meal, diaper a baby
or do the laundry without having a disaster. Your humiliation is
exacerbated by the knowing looks of the wise and sage "wife" who must
rescue you. While I agree this portrayal is stereotypical and very
unfair, it is not so soul destroying that it is causing you to run to
the plastic surgeon to have a "little lopped of the bottom".
So what do you say? Do you want to join my new gender? Weíre still women
but with our judgement, and vaginas intact.
Yours in solidarity,