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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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Why Are You Single?

by Emma


This weekend, my sister and I (she is 22, I am 27) were dancing at a bar when a male in his early twenties approached us and exclaimed in disbelief, "You two canít be single."  I replied "Yes, both of us are."  He said "No way, that doesnít make sense."  I said "The world doesnít make sense.  Get used to it."

While both of us acknowledge that men at a bar are not representative of men as a whole, what Iím ranting about is the caveman philosophy, seemingly shared by males both at bars and elsewhere, that all women can be arranged in a hierarchy of desirability that is objective, i.e. the same for all men.  The men then "compete for the best mates".  This system views finding a partner as acquiring a possession or winning a prize, rather than connecting with a person.  If you're picturing them all running across a field battling it out with each other, that's pretty much what I mean.

If things really worked this way, yes!  The objectively "best" mates would be likeliest to be "spoken for".  A simple matter of supply and demand.  But my sister and I, known amongst our acquaintances as attractive, intelligent, kind women, are both single and have been for quite some time.  Could this be because as each of us date various men, we are not willing to compromise on the traits of maturity, courtesy and respect?  Or because we are not willing to date just for the sake of having a boyfriend but are waiting for significant others with whom we are truly compatible?  Or because according to the happenstance of our lives up to the present time, the only men who have shown interest in us are not good enough for us (and by "not good enough" I mean in terms of the characteristics above), and the men we have approached are not secure enough in their own identity to appreciate being pursued by a woman?

Say, d'you think we've got some choice in the matter as to whether or not we are single, and it's not just whether a man "picks" either of us?  Stakes his claim to property?

Yep, the world doesnít make sense when you are operating from an outmoded set of preconceptions and "rules" about male/female behavior.  Get used to it and get over it.


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