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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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What Do I think Women Want?


What do Women Want? If you pose the wrong question you will always get the wrong answer. What most women (and men!) want is what they are told to want. We all know the drill, the social norms are imposed from above and most of humanity has no idea they are being socialized to desire certain things in love or work or life. Most people simply accept the status quo. A small percentage are out ahead of the mass of the population. It is this forward-thinking wave that demands something more advanced from life.

I believe that it is from this wave you get your HBs, and thinking men who love the fact that they are among us. What do these women want? The same damn thing we do. Only more so. Nothing more nothing less. These sisters tell us this in a thousand different ways. We have to listen, hear, and understand their concerns. I don't say agree. Our level of agreement with them, will be shaped by the work we have done to not only figure out what we want, but to reject what we have been told we should want. If you ask the question "What do women want?", you are talking about yourself - not women. You haven't even gotten to the point where you recognize the fact all the "roles" we have learned (traditional male and female) are reactionary and backwards.

Thinking women and men, gay or straight, reject role-playing first and foremost. On the highest level of human existence (which is for me, at the level of ideas) all things are equal - whether we embrace the concept or not. Over the years I've seen men who just couldn't accept this. I was forced to deal with this at a tender age of 19 years. I was serious about my ideals. I listened to those that had ideals similar to mine and I followed them. Many of these people were women. Some of them were very radical feminists, and yes even lesbians, and they were ruthless with me. So I had to deal with two demons at once: sexism and homophobia. I was like these wild cats living behind my building, I loved them for feeding me all this knowledge but I was always on the verge of running away in fear. I didn't run away, I stayed, and learned and became the human being I am today in great part as a result of the sometimes impatient work they did on this poor ignorant young black male.

What thinking women want is what thinking men want -- positive reinforcement from those they love. They want to be treated as human beings, as capable as any man of leading in words and deeds in life, love and struggle. That's the same thing I want. No more. No less.

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